the secret

the secret (one shot)

awsten's pov

It was wrong. This was all wrong. I've said it before and I'll say it again, sometimes I ask for things that I don't really want.

It's currently 12:47 p.m. on February the 20th, and I'm standing in Jawn's bathroom freaking the fuck out. Outside of this room, that's keeping me from my harsh reality, stands a stool in front of a backdrop meant for photoshoots. I don't look in the mirror, because I know if I do, he'll be there staring right back into me. His eyes can make me feel hollow on my fullest days, and his god damn smile can make me feel the coldest on the warmest nights, like the beach on Christmas Eve.

I look down onto the cold tile floor and stare at my socks. Today they have cacti on them; black and green. At this point, I'm using anything to distract myself from one of the many things Jawn doesn't know about me.

Jawn calls from the other room.

"Hey Awsten, you good in there? Otto wants to meet up at Chipotle pretty soon and I kind of want to hurry this up."

Shit.

"Yeah, just give me a sec." I respond shortly.

There's no way I can get out of this photoshoot now. I close my dual-toned eyes, much like his. His eyes, that clearly pour out his emotions of being jealous and hypnotized. His eyes, that can leave you feeling awful and seconds from bottles.

I grab the bottom hem of my shirt, pulling it off. After unbuckling my belt and tearing off my black jeans, I'm left in my old colorful underwear from 2012.

I stare at the Calvins resting on the side of the sink's countertop, and fist them in my hand. In a swift motion I replace my current pair with the new ones.

I open my eyes for a split second and see his dark body there. Fuck. I look down, but I can already feel his presence. Closing my eyes, I can almost picture his fragile, but strong, bones of '92, shaping his practically transparent skin. He breathes down my neck, and his hot breath, making my skin prick, reminds me of Otto. Except it's not a game we do; it's his sign to let me know he's there.

I can do this. I've done things before while he's there so why is it such a big deal now? Other than the fact that I'm practically naked, I open the door and walk down the hall, like any other other day.

I feel him. Swirling around my thoughts and head. He's starting to take over me that even lobotomy can't save me at this point. I better hurry this the fuck up.

I walk into the room in my Calvin Klein underwear and socks, and by the way I talk, I'm sure Jawn will know somethings wrong.

"Okay for real now, this is sick." I say with a shaky breath while positioning myself on the stool.

I've done photoshoots with Jawn so many times that its basically routine by now. Other than a few comments left from him, its practically silent, and if I listen and focus hard enough, I hear his foot steps.

In the end of the shoot, Jawn pulls the blinds and says he wants to try something a little different. Although I know that Jawn is harmless and means well, he just made a mistake. Jawn doesn't know how the darks fuels him, the room feels like it drops in temperature, and a sudden eerie feeling swarms me. Jawn pulls out an old Polaroid camera with an attached flash bulb on it. If I show my fear for whats to come, it will only make matters worse, so I do some more, in my opinion, bad ass poses, while Jawn clicks the cameras top button.

"Alright man I think we are good. After these are done processing and I'm done editing, I'll swing by your place for you to check them out." Jawn says while packing up his tripod.

"It's so tight to have another thing gone from my bucket list, so thanks again." My words trail behind me as I walk back into the bathroom. As rude and distant as it might be for me to leave our day at that, I honestly don't care a fuck at this point. I shut the door, careful to not lock it, in fear of what he might do.

I quickly change back into my clothes and walk out of the bathroom with my head hanging low. I shout a goodbye to Jawn while walking out of his front door and head to my car. Shutting the door behind me, I rest my head on the steering wheel, thinking how the fuck am I going to drive if I can't look in any mirrors.

Two Days Later

"Hey, you already know, but it's Jawn. I was too eager to share the polaroids with you so I didn't really get a good look at them, but they're in your mailbox. Give me a call when you take a look." 

Jawn voicemail rings in my ears like a haunting murmur. I don't get up from my bed, afraid of what lies in the shallow box. My blue walls are screaming back at me to get up and look, and in the end, curiosity kills me. I find myself trudging through the halls and out the front door before my movements process through my mind. My Texas sleep hours haven't quite caught up with me, and with him still lingering around, I've stayed awake for countless nights.

I grab the envelope, have no patience whatsoever, and tear it open on the spot. I shuffle through the physical photos, slightly smiling to myself, because god damn I look good, until my face feels frozen. I feel the color drain from my face and the chills run down my spine.

There in the polaroid stands a shadowy figure, almost invisible to the normal eye. He stands, almost hovering over me with the same grin plastered on his face. His eyes are piecing into me in the photo, knowing damn well how he manipulates me. I feel pressure being applied to my shoulder and I raise my head. In my ear, his voice echoes for what feels like forever, giving me the same feeling as before.

"Guess who's mother fucking back bitch." He breathes out against my skin.

He's back. He's here to stay. He's here to haunt me.

Felony Steve.

authors note.

felony steve can possibly represent something deeper than this, bc he feeds off of awstens fame, quoting how he is "jealous and hypnotized." so this can relate to how bow finally people are starting to give a shit about parx but awstens all like where were you a while ago lol (with certain people, not fans, ex. fake ass band guys). "getting texts from idols i looked up to since 15, now people use my friends to get to me, fuck you" so basically felony possibly wants to take over awsten bc he has a different way of dealing with this fame, most likely in a negative way. and bc awsten is an easy target when he is tired and mentally exhausted (even though he is constantly pushing himself) felony decides to take him over while he is at home. so by the time awsten is back on tour and he starts to act different, people will just assume that something happened while he was at home. well, hope you enjoyed!

this really isn't that spooky but felony should be scary enough tbh. btw he appears in mirrors because in one of the music videos the whole room is practically mirrors. for example:

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