As I saw the sight that began as a joke. I felt my stomach and throat switch places. My vision becoming blurry with tears. Not hearing a thing around me for my ears were clogged with pain. All I could do was run. Run away. Run to comfort. Run to a friend who couldn't hurt me. He gave me a hug. Asked me what's wrong as I held my throat still suffering from the switch.
"Let me explain." I couldn't listen to it anymore. "It's not what it looks like." I couldn't watch anymore. "Are you ok." Couldn't help but lie. All I could do was remember the promises I made and the promises they made. The joke I became. Shutting the world out and putting my trust in the wrong arms. But will I ever see the right ones?
Lord when will you send the right people my way. People who won't make me cry. People who will finally let me dance cuz I won't have to read that page again. People who replace my fear with assurance. People who want to die at the thought of hurting me. People who want to immediately wipe away the daily tears that roll down my face. People I can let all the way inside. People who won't make me numb. People who won't repeat the same mistakes. People who won't tell me how to forgive only to constantly demand my forgiveness. Lord when?! I'm shouting out to you with pain and tears and I don't know what else to say. Yet I can't help but think that you've looked away.
I've tried all methods and I don't know what else to do. Do I shut the whole world out? But you say I should love my enemies. Should I deal with all the hurt no matter what? But you say your joy is my strength. I'm leaving it in your hands. All of it. All of it. All of it. You'll deal with it from now on. I only see it fair because I'm broken beyond repair.
