When you are angry or upset ,what do you do ? I am sure its something like being alone or sitting in a corner (some isolated place)or just crying or talking to/not talking to someone. Well its okay we all do that right .
Me,when i am upset I would punch the walls until my hands hurt ,or just shout at the stars ,the moon or will be talking to god for making things this way .or just shout at my brother.
This makes me remember something that happend last year .so what happend was.....
Just four days were left for my younger brothers bday (we just differ in age by 1 year 1month and1 day)I had been planning fot that day secretly .
My friend texted me that "KJ commited suicide ".I called her immediately and yelled "what kind of prank is that ,I am never talking to you again" she said "trust me i am as shocked as you ,but this just happened 1 hour ago.Sam get yourself together u have to stay strong. ".I eneded the call without paying much attention to it .I switched on my laptop opened the search engine. the first news was about his death "the kpop idol KJ ended his life at the age of 25" .I felt the land beneath my feet trembling, my legs were not supporting me i fell right on the floor after reading it .Yes this is how much he meant to me and any other of his fan (we loved him and we still do). I didn't believe it at first ,obviuosly he was so young and on top of that he was so motivational and inspiring we learned to struggle ,we learned to improvise and we learned to smile . What killed me was that i didnt even knew how much hurt he was in his life with that concealing smile on his charming face.
I kept on searching all the sources to find that maybe its a fake news .I checked every web page on every website and was heart broken to see that every "is " in his biography was converted to "was" by now .
My eyes begin to fill with tears but i couldnt cry i just ran upstairs to the terrace .seeing me run my parents ce and asked me "what happened to you ? are you okay ?" she hugged me tight repeating herself. That's when I cried and told her everything even she had tears in her eyes while all this time my father was searching the webpages too. my phone was still in my hand my friend was still calling she had already called 12 times by then but i couldnt collect my strength to take the call .I shouted at them" just leave me " .my mom told me okay "i am leaving you here but dont do anything stupid,i will be waiting downwards for you ",i nodded as she left ....i went near the end of the terrace with a thought to die but i just couldnt courage my self to do that .
I sat by the wall like a coward , my mind was filled with his smiling face and the pain in his voice, Which made me cry harder .soon it was night and realized that the moon was blue,I felt him close to me . i stared at the moon which strangely resembled him -he was still having that soothing smile .He was there with me saying "I am feeling relieved now .tell me I did well .Finally after crying my heart out my voice broke down and i too broke my silence "Why did you do this ?Why u left me ?What will I do now?how will i live now?".he said "you have to find.your own answers ,dearand remember i will always be with you.
He dissappeared after saying this but I could still hear his latest album and "I TRIED MY BEST" i heard someone whisper.
Then i came down (it was over midnight and i was scared of being alone ).My eyes were tired and red from crying. i slept in the living room itself .Then i had a dream which i want to live (he was there in the dream)......
