Today is Monday, the most dreaded day of the week. My weekend has been hectic because of work and all I need right now is a strong cup of coffee. Currently I am hand in hand with my boyfriend Namjoon;Kim Namjoon. He promised me that we would stop by a coffee shop before he dropped me off at work.
Our walk is silent but not awkward, and the smell of the winter air is so crisp and clean that I am at ease and can relax. A breeze of cold air hits my face and I snuggle closer to Namjoon for warmth.
"Hey Joonie..." I mumble as we walk.
"Yes?" he replies. His breath is warm and creates a little cloud in the cold air.
"Was it...selfish of us...to leave Bighit?" My voice is so quiet that I am shocked he even heard me.
"Jimin.." He stops walking, faces me, and sighs deeply.
"...has this been keeping you up at night?"
I am ashamed to answer but it is entirely true. After Joonie and I left Bighit, guilt and anxiety has just overwhelmed me tremendously. I feel ashamed that I put my own selfish needs before our fans, and the rest of Bangtan.
It has been so hard to sleep at night, the constant echoing voices never die down. I've become mentally and physically exhausted but I can't tell Joonie that, not now, not ever.
"You know what, why don't we talk about this at the cafe." I say under my breath.
Namjoon looks concerned, "are you sure?"
"Yes" I clutch his hand even more and begin to walk in the direction of the cafe.
We are now sitting in the cafe. Namjoon has an Americano and I have regular black coffee, nothing special. It's been 5 minutes of silence. I just don't know how to bring this up, I mean, if I did it before, I could do it again, but...why am I so hesitant. Another few minutes go by and I'm almost finished my coffee.
I continue to stare out the window and watch the snowflakes fall against the windowsill.
"So..." Namjoon reaches his hand for mine and holds onto them, while my cup of coffee is still in between my hands. Our eyes meet and he continues,
"..is it alright if we talk about this now?"
"Ya" I sigh.
"You want to know if I think leaving Bighit was selfish of us?"
"....yes"
"...Jiminie, I honestly don't think it was, I mean of course there was a disappointed reaction when we told our fans that we were leaving...but-"
"I just don't want to disappoint anyone, we (BTS) were so close to becoming the perfect idols, we were so close to fame and fortune, we were the kings of kpop ...and we just gave it away...because of what we wanted?"
"Jimin, don't think of it like that"
"..."
"Think of it like your taking a vacation or a break, someplace away from social media for example. "
I remove my hands from Namjoon's and rest them on my lap, my eyes travel with them.
"Jimin?"
I look up.
"The reason why we left Bighit is so we could take time to get to know eachother better, get married in a country that allows same sex marriage and start a family, a family away from the media, away from the eyes of judgmental peers" Namjoon's voice sounds sincere and genuine.
"I...um..."
.
.
My head begins to hurt and the room starts to spin, I feel a immense wave of nausea and sprint to the nearest men's washroom. I reach the closest stall and puke my guts out. I feel a hand travel up and downmy back, it's Namjoon.
"There there, it must of been the breakfast I made earlier, i'm sorry."
"Joonie?"
"Yes"
"...c-could you w-wait outside..please?"I stutter. I just really need some time to process this.
"Of course" he utterts as he walks out of the rest room.
I hear the door close and quickly lock my stall.
Marriage? Children? I'm not ready for that. I can't do that stuff. I can't provide Joon a child, nor can I take care of one,...I can hardly take care of myself.
Tears run down my face and my breathing quickens, I feel my throat clog up and I gasp for air. I'm panicking. My heart is racing and sweat builds upon my forehead. My vision is blurred with tears and talking is almost futile. I'm so scared I can't even stand up. I squeeze myself even closer together and rock back and forth hoping it will calm me down.
Minutes that feel like hours pass by and I hear a knock on the door.
I reach my hand to unlock the stall door hoping Joonie would come to save me but I am wrong....incredibly wrong.
A man, tall and broad-shouldered opens the door wider. He has dark black hair and such incredibly pale skin. I can't identify him enough because of the black mask covering his face. The man reaches for his pocket and pulls out a cloth. He steps closer to me as I try to back away but end up hitting my back against the toilet.
Fear breaks loose as the man squats down next to me. I am so shocked that moving away is a function my brain has forgotten. My breathing gets even more rapid as he presses the cloth to my mouth. I squirm uncontrollably and try to scream at the top of my lungs for help but is unsuccessful when my body goes limp and my vision darkens.
I can feel his warm breath on my ear as he whispers....
" sweet dreams....baby boy."
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Thank You for reading! -Author #2 Diora
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