I'm just like you, and I deserve love. I'm 15 years old, I live in Kyntucky and even though I'm incredibly gay and would gladly shout it from a roof top, my family can't know. They are all homophobic Christians, and I'm an atheists. Only my trans uncle, and older sister know that I'm not straight. I'm questioning. I'm not for sure on my gender either, I wanna say I'm gender nuetrul, but I also wanna say I'm a girl because I feel like it'd be easier for people to understand. I have other lgbtq+ family, my grandma, and both older sisters are bi, and my uncle is trans and pan. I'm very open about it at school but I'm not sure if I really want to come out to my family. I know I should but I'm scared that they'll hate me, be disappointed. I'm scared of disappointing or failing people. I'm scared of a lot of things, being on my own, being judged. I have incredibly bad anxiety, and I'm slowly getting over depression from being emotionly abused. That's where my insecurities come from. I don't like showing my arms because, to me, they're fat, I hate my shoulders because I think they're giant, I see myself as fat, I hate the way my face looks, I don't like the shape of my face, I feel like I have to look and act a certain way to make and keep friends. And making friends is hard for me because of my anxiety.
Um, onto happier things, I want to be a journalist when I'm older and I want a family, always have, but my image of a perfect family, the one I want, has changed. Me and my friends have this game at school where you claim someone and they become your child, anyone. I'm a mother of 6 and my 3rd oldest daughter, my friend Bella, is a stripper and teenage mother of two! My worst enemy is my brother, I claimed my oldest daughter's crush as my son too! And when my crush found out, she declared herself the 2nd mother of my children. I'm not gonna oblige, but it confused me. She said she was straight and was dating a guy at her church a few weeks ago. The fact that she's straight is what I'm stuck on, we dated last year, breaking up because the year was ended and we wouldn't see each other over the summer, and she dated another girl in December but broke up because her girlfriend was always acting like a bitch to me and her other friends. Then even now, she acts incredibly gay, yet she still says she's straight! She was the first person I dated too, her and a girl who lives across the street the me are the only people I've ever dated. Me and my crush are still good friends, but the other girl never talks to me anymore. She asked me out while we were at the park with some other kids from our street. 3 days later, She breaks up with me because some whore asked her out!
Welp, my life is a mess.
Love, Lizzy<3
