Farewell my almost lover. This is my goodbye. This is my path to freedom.
People say that your first love is the one you'll never forget. It's that kind of love that you will always remember with a smile, and sadness in your heart.
You were my first love. My first I love you. My first kiss. For the first time, you made me feel like someone could love me, you made me feel pretty.
You made me smile, laugh, lose nights of sleep, only so I could text you a little more.
We were young, and carefree. Not a worry in the world could be find in my mind, as long as I was thinking about you.
But soon smiles and kisses became hurt and tears. I knew what I felt, but my demons and my past were always haunting me. I stopped believing in every word you would say. Every time I saw you, I felt like it was the last time, because I thought you would leave, like everyone else.
I still used my mask around you, I loved you like I never loved anyone, so it was harder to fake around you.
And then that summer night came. The night I told you I loved you. And you didn't say it back. I was drunk, you were away, and my phone felt so heavy on my purse, just like my heart felt on my chest. So I called you. You were waiting for me... I said no. I found a guy, he said I was cute. He was the opposite of you, so I went to his house. I was drunk. You were away.
Days passed, and I felt the guilty eating me alive. Every time I saw you, I knew I fucked up, big time. So I told you. And you laughed. It was a dry laugh, lacking emotions. I felt like I was dying, and so did you too probably. You never told me how you truly felt...
After that day, we spoke twice, maybe three times, and every time you said everything was ok... You said I was free, I was single, I could do everything I wanted, like I did in that summer night. And you said you liked me, but you stopped texting me. And then days passed. Weeks. Months.
And as simple as that, we fell apart. I found you were talking to your ex the whole time. My demons were right all along.
It's been 2 years, but I still miss you like it had only been 2 days. I moved on, I learned to love other guys. But their voices are not like yours, nor their kisses...
Your words still haunt my mind in my dreams. Like your fingertips, or your lips. I miss your touch, your laugh, how you would simply kiss my cheek and give a chocolate every time we saw each other. Always a reese's, my favorite. Then you would hug me, and I would always feel like in your arms, nothing could hurt me.
Maybe if in that summer night I simply went to your house, like you asked, things would be different now. Maybe you would be my lover.
But this is the reality. And you are only my almost lover.
Goodbye my almost lover. This is my farewell. Now, I am free.
