Hᴇʏ ɢᴜʏs! Wᴇʟʟ, ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇ's Kᴇʟsᴇʏ. Tʜᴀᴛ's ᴀʟʟ I'ᴍ ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ. I ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴀɴ ᴀxᴇ ᴍᴜʀᴅᴇʀᴇʀ ᴀᴛ ᴍʏ ᴅᴏᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs. Iᴛ's ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ.
I'ᴍ ᴋɪᴅᴅɪɴɢ. Bᴜᴛ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏ, I'ᴍ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ɴɪᴄᴇ ᴀɢᴇ.
Wᴇʟʟ... Aᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ, 15 ɪs ᴀ ᴍᴇᴅɪᴏᴄʀᴇ ᴀɢᴇ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀsᴋ ᴍᴇ.
I ʟɪᴠᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ Uɴɪᴛᴇᴅ Sᴛᴀᴛᴇs. (Sᴀᴅʟʏ) ʙᴜᴛ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ Bʀɪᴛɪsʜ ᴀᴄᴄᴇɴᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ I ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ Bʀɪᴛ. Sᴏ ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I sᴘᴇʟʟᴇᴅ 'Fᴀᴠᴏᴜʀɪᴛᴇ' ᴏʀ 'Cᴏʟᴏᴜʀ' ᴡʀᴏɴɢ. Aᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀɴ Tᴡᴀᴛs. Iᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ɴɪᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ. Sᴏ ғ*ᴄᴋ ᴏғғ. Aɴᴅ ɢᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴀʀsᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ɪᴛ.
Uᴍ. Wʜᴀᴛ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘᴜᴛ ɪɴ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ?
I'ᴍ ғᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ sᴛᴀʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀʏ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ.
Rᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ IS ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ, sᴏ ʏᴇᴀʜ.
I'ᴍ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ sᴏᴍᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴍᴏsᴛʟʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴏɴᴇ sᴘᴇᴄɪғɪᴄ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ. Sʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡs ᴡʜᴏ sʜᴇ ɪs. ᴄx
Nᴏʙᴏᴅʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I'ᴍ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ. I ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜsɪᴄ ᴏɴ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇs ᴏғ ᴡᴏᴏᴅ. Oɴᴇ ɪs ᴀ ɢᴜɪᴛᴀʀ, ᴏɴᴇ ɪs ᴀ ᴠɪᴏʟɪɴ. Yᴇᴀʜ ʏᴇᴀʜ I ᴋɴᴏᴡ. NERD. Nᴏ. I'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ɴᴇʀᴅ. I'ᴍ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴜsɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ɢɪғᴛᴇᴅ. I'ᴍ ᴀᴄᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴀ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴠᴇʀʏ VERY sᴇʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴀʀᴛs sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ. Sᴏ sᴜᴄᴋ ɪᴛ.
I ʜᴀᴛᴇ ʜᴀᴛᴇ HATE ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ, ᴘᴜɴᴄᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴀɴᴅ sᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢ. Iᴛ's ᴀ ᴘᴇᴛ ᴘᴇᴇᴠᴇ ᴏғ ᴍɪɴᴇ.
Oʜ. Aɴᴅ I ᴊᴜsᴛ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀᴇᴅ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ. Aʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ Bʀɪᴛɪsʜ ᴛʜɪɴɢ, YES I LIKE TEA. AND BISCUITS. Oᴋᴀʏ? Dᴏ ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ ɴᴏᴡ? Gᴏᴏᴅ.
Nᴏᴡ, ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪs ᴍɪɴɪ ʙɪᴏ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ. OOOOH. AUTOBIOGRAPHY! I ғᴇᴇʟ sᴏ sᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟ ɴᴏᴡ.
Uᴍ. I ʟ-ᴏ-ᴠ-ᴇ ᴄᴜᴘᴄᴀᴋᴇs. Aɴᴅ ʙᴏʏʙᴀɴᴅs. Aɴᴅ ᴄʜᴏᴄᴏʟᴀᴛᴇ. Aɴᴅ ᴄʜᴏᴄᴏʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴄᴜᴘᴄᴀᴋᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙᴏʏʙᴀɴᴅs ʜᴀɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴡʜɪʟsᴛ sᴀʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ. I ᴍᴇᴀɴ WHAT? Wʜᴏ ᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ?
Aɴʏᴡʜᴏʀᴇ, (Yᴇs. Yᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴄᴏʀʀᴇᴄᴛʟʏ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ sᴀʏs ᴡʜᴏʀᴇ.) I'ᴍ ᴀ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀ. I'ᴍ ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ ᴏɴ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɴᴇᴡ, ʙᴜᴛ I'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ sᴜʀᴇ ɪғ ɪᴛ's ᴀɴʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ. I ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ғᴇᴇᴅʙᴀᴄᴋ.
Uᴍ. I'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ʏᴇᴀʀs ɴᴏᴡ, sᴏ I'ᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅs. I ᴅᴏ ᴏɴᴇs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ : "Hᴇʟʟᴏ!" Sʜᴇ sᴀɪᴅ, sᴍɪʟɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀᴠɪɴɢ. Aɴᴅ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ: Hᴇʟʟᴏ! *sᴍɪʟᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀᴠᴇs*
Yᴇᴀʜ. I'ᴍ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴀ ᴍᴇss. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ADHD, sᴏ I ɢᴇᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʜʏᴘᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ʙᴏʀᴇᴅ ɪғ I'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ, ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ᴡʜʏ I ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ, ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɪᴛ ᴋᴇᴇᴘs ᴍʏ ғɪɴɢᴇʀs ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇғᴏʀᴇ ᴋᴇᴇᴘs ᴍᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ.
I'ᴍ EXTREMELY ᴀɢᴀɪɴsᴛ sᴇʟғ-ʜᴀʀᴍ. Iғ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ sᴇʟғ-ʜᴀʀᴍ ɪɴ ᴀ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ, I ᴡɪʟʟ sᴇɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ THIS ᴍᴇssᴀɢᴇ EXACTLY:
Aɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ's ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ I ᴅʀᴀᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇ. I'ᴍ sᴏʀʀʏ. I ᴡᴀs ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ I ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴅᴏ sᴇʟғ ʜᴀʀᴍɪɴɢ. I ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ. Hᴏɴᴇsᴛʟʏ, I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏᴇʀs ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ, ɪᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ ᴜᴘsᴇᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟʟʏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ ᴀssᴏᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.
Sᴏ ʏᴇᴀʜ. Dᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ.
I'ᴍ sᴏᴏᴏ ʟᴏɴᴇʟʏ ʜᴇʀᴇ. I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs. xᴄ
Lᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ? Pʟᴇᴀsᴇ? I'ʟʟ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀ ᴄᴏᴏᴋɪᴇ. Aɴᴅ ᴀ ʜᴜɢ.
Aɴʏᴡᴀʏ, Cɪᴀᴏ!
Lᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴏᴏᴜ
Aɴᴅ ᴄᴜᴘᴄᴀᴋᴇs.
Lᴏᴠᴇ,
Kᴇʟsᴇʏ ᴄ;
OH. Aɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ.
I'ᴍ ᴘᴀɴsᴇxᴜᴀʟ. Aɴᴅ ɪғ I ғɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴀɴʏ sᴇxᴜᴀʟɪᴛʏ, I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴜᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ/ᴏғғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴏʀɢᴀɴs ᴀɴᴅ ғᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴄᴀᴛ.
Lᴏᴠᴇ ɪs ʟᴏᴠᴇ. Dᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴀ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟ ᴘʀɪᴄᴋ.
