99

Party Hard or Go Home

If this girl winks at me one more time. . . 

"Chels, I went to bed. He went to bed. No one had sex last night." a guilty look crossed her face. "Well, at least I can speak for myself."  A roll of her eyes and Poof! she was out of the kitchen. Her golden hair danced around to the middle of her back.

Alrighty well.

As I was doing the dishes, I just kept humming to myself one of Ray Charles songs. Man was he great, the way he sang. His voice just tore a hole in your chest and sat there, leaving nothing but your soul. 

"Leaves Georgia on my mind." I turned to see Jake opening the refrigerator, singing the song with me. Dammit, stop smiling.

"Ray sure was something else." he grabbed some eggs before he reached for the pan underneath the marble cabinets.

"You sure do know your way around the kitchen." I pointed out.

"Well, I've been here once or twice before." I left it at that, and so did he.

Does he hang out with Chelsea often?

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, making me a bit uneasy. Brooke and Justin seemed to have cooled down a bit, her messy bun was everywhere. I went sit across from them.

"Hey Brooke, I need to talk to you once you get the chance." she made love noises to Justin, promising her return as soon as possible.

How cute.

His pale skin seemed even paler next to her mocha skin tone. He ruffled her hair and gave her a quick kiss before she left.

"Alright love, what do you wish to talk about?" I didn't know how to put it, but I'm sure she wont mind my jumbled up words. I trust Brooke far more than I do Chelsea. It's not that I don't care about her, I do. Full heartedly, but she jumps to conclusions too fast. 

"Okay, so I'm conflicted. If that even makes sense. I - I find Jake attractive and all, I just don't know him. I am scared Brooke. I am beyond scared it isn't even funny. If I could just remove my past, I could be free. More and more I think of the past, and I can't take it anymore. Well, it's just that I've been through so much, and I don't know if I'm ready -"

"If you aren't ready, he should understand, and if he is worth it, he will wait. You think he is attractive? Hell, so do I. You just have to get to know him and let him get to know you. It may turn out that you don't even like each other and it's just sexual tension pulling you together like BAM!" Her hands clasped together, trying to get me to visualize the "BAM" part of the whole lesson.

"About that too, what if I'm not ready to be in that kind of situation with another guy? What do I do?" Yet something inside of me really did want to be touched. To have masculine hands on my hips, and to have . . . I really wanted something, but fear was keeping me from it.

I haven't been with anyone since Lee, and even after all the shit he has put me through, I can honestly say that I still care so much about him.

It wasn't bad every single time we were together. I can't seem to imagine how my life would have been if my dad would have still been oblivious to the bruises across my body; if he had never walked in.

"Simple, look at Justin and I. Still haven't had sex, been together for over six months. Yes, we have been thinking about it. Just, if it is brought up, let him know what your feelings are about the situation. That is all you have to do." she spoke to me as if it was just a lesson in her books that she studies. 

"Right, right."

"What are you wearing to the party tonight? I'm wearing my bikini under my clothes in case I feel up to swimming." she said, brightening the subject up a bit.