Heartbreak Story - Byler

XVIII - Let It Go

"Hey, Mister! That's "Mom" to you." He chuckled before becoming more thoughtful. "I know you well enough to see you're not sick so why did the school ring Nance and tell her Max had said you needed to go home?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." I mumbled as I climbed into the passenger seat of his car and he lifted my bike into his trunk.

"Okay, we don't have to talk about it now." Steve responded and I sighed in relief, grateful I wouldn't have to re-live Will rejecting me to yet another person. "We'll save it until we're at your house." I let out an audible moan and rolled my eyes and Steve climbed in and started driving me home.

It was a few minutes before either of us spoke, "Why couldn't Nancy pick me up?" I questioned, wondering where she could be.

"Her and...erm...Jonathan have gone out for the day together. They've not seen as much of each other since around Christmas because she said they've both been spending time with you and Will rather than each other so they chose to go out today now you're both back in school."

"Oh." I whispered, feeling guilty. I was furious at myself for taking up so much of Nancy's time and now she finally was able to spend time with her boyfriend again and I'd almost made her end her date without even thinking.

"It's cool, they're still out and I was spending my day off alone so no harm done. It's a win-win for us all."

A comfortable silence between us returned as Steve began to absentmindedly hum the tune to 'You Can Call Me Al' whilst tapping on the steering wheel, his eyes on the road. My mind wandered, of course, to Will. 'You Can Call Me Al' was the song he'd been dancing to at Kelly's party when I'd first spotted him and I remembered the way he bobbed to the music, swinging his hips and singing along looking like he didn't have a care in the world. There was something about Will's love for music that I found endearing and invigorating. The way he seemed to come alive just from hearing the first few beats of any song and how he seemed to have a newfound reason for living was so wholesome and always made my heart feel so full. I needed him like I needed oxygen and I didn't know how to live without  him or if I even could.

"Outta the car, young man. I wanna hear what's got you so down in the dumps." Steve ordered and I let out an exaggerated sigh to which he replied with a chuckle.

"You're so annoying, Mom." I told him.

"Now, now. I have to keep my children safe. It's not easy being a single-mother of...how many do I have now?...5?"

"6 including Eleven."

"Nah, that girl is her own parent. Besides, I think Hopper would crucify me if I tried to claim his daughter." Steve said and I giggled as I unlocked the door. The two of us headed down the ancient stairs to my basement and I switched the light on, the bulb dangling down from the ceiling began to flicker feebly before sparking up, revealing the musty basement before us.

I collapsed onto the couch and Steve did the same thing beside me. "Where to start?" I moaned, staring upwards at the ceiling.

"Is it about Will?" Steve questioned, his voice soft and full of concern.

I responded by slowly nodding my head and Steve watched on in sympathy.

"After he got out the hospital, I told him I love him."

"You did?" Steve asked, shock making his voice come out higher than normal.

"And, at first, he didn't really say anything back. He just took himself away from the rest of us and nobody really saw him for a couple of weeks. He didn't even come to school. Jonathan told me he was kinda acting out, running off in the middle of the night and stuff like that but they didn't know where to. Then on the Friday before Christmas, I went to some old-friend's party up in Loch Nora and he was there."

"Will wasn't going to school but turned up at a party?" Steve said, his face wrinkling with a mixture of concern, confusion and a hint of parental disapproval.

"I know, it's crazy. It's so unlike him. Anyway, he was there and we got talking and..." I stopped.

"And?" Steve pressed on.

"And..." I repeated, raising my eyebrows at him and willing him to understand what it was that I wasn't saying which, I could tell he did when his mouth dropped open in an obvious "o" shape. "And after that he wanted nothing more to do with me." I whispered, sorrow once again seeping its way into my bloodstream.

"Oh my dear children." Steve muttered to himself, his hand on his heart and looking upwards before turning back to me. "You said this was all before Christmas, right? Then what happened today?"

"He told me he loves me too." I said blankly.

Steve began to talk over me, "Well, that's wonderful new-" he babbled but I cut him off.

"But he doesn't want to take it - us - anywhere. He doesn't want to love me and he wants to get over me so we can never be together. From the way he's acting, it seems as though it's not just a romantic relationship he never wants but he also doesn't want to even be friends with me anymore. When he said "goodbye", it felt permanent. Like a goodbye for good and I'm not strong enough to come back from losing him."

Steve looked as though he was mulling over my words in his head for a moment before looking at me sadly, "I would never want you guys to lose your friendship, especially not after everything you've been through together. However, at the same time, I don't think you can keep it if you both know how you feel about him and because of who the kind of person Will is. Without a doubt, he's one of the kindest and most empathetic people I've ever met. He'll know that spending time with you will hurt you because he can't give you what you want so he'll pull himself away so he can't possibly hurt you. He's too caring for his own good."

My heart ached and I began to panic, "So...so you're saying that's it? Everything we've ever been is just over and I'm supposed to okay with that?"

"God, no. What I'm saying is if you can try and move on from him and let him go romantically then you can get back to the way you were. Will wouldn't be hurting you anymore so he could let himself be around you and be your friend again. It may take some time but, eventually it will be like nothing changed at all."

"How do you know?" I asked, hardly daring to believe it with desperation clear in my voice.

"It worked with Nance." Steve shrugged and I suddenly felt awkward. "I knew she loved Jonathan and never really loved me so I made the decision to move on and now I'm friends with them both. It all worked out and I'm sure it will for the two of you as well."

I looked down at my feet feeling utterly lost but a glimmer of hope sparked within me for a possibility of my friendship with Will returning one day in the future. Perhaps I wouldn't have to live without him, if I could just find some way to get over him.

I'd decided to move on from Will Byers, a boy I'd loved for almost as long as I'd been living, once and for all.

*

He's going to move on, I wonder how successful he'll be. I guess we shall find out, shan't we.
I'd like to thank you because recently I've been receiving some more comments from you and I can't stress to you just how much they all mean to me. Thank you so much!
To anyone at all reading this, I love you lots.
- Niamh.