Arctic Heart [#Wattys2018 Winner]

Chapter 10

My phone chimed in the middle of my daydream that pulled me out from my fictional thoughts and made me face reality.

Mabilis kong tiningnan ang aking cellphone nang makita kong kay Jacce galing ang mensahe. Ang ngiti kong abot tainga ay unti-unting lumiit hanggang sa tuluyan itong maglaho nang mabasa ang kanyang mensahe.

From: Jace
I can't make it today. Sorry.

Bumagsak ang aking balikat na kasabay sa pagbigat ng aking dibdib.

Ito na naman ang pakiramdam na ayaw kong maramdaman. Sawang-sawa na ako sa nararamdaman kong 'to tuwing nasasaktan.

My heart was already too abused because of the endless pain he kept on giving me. It seemed like there was no part in my heart without any scar and wound.

To: Jace
It's okay.

I sent my reply like it was really fine for me when I was completely breaking down. I wanted to scream at him through text and tell him how much he made me excited for nothing, but I reminded myself that I needed to act okay.

Nilingon ko ang mga natapos kong trabaho bago napasandal sa backrest ng aking upuan.

Kinuha ko na lang ang aking cellphone para ayain si Elle na lumabas upang kahit papaano'y gumaan ang pakiramdam nang muling nagreply si Jace.

From: Jace
Let's just do it tomorrow.

Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na kahit ako na lang ang maghanap ng lupa at hindi na kailangang magkasama kami pero pinigilan ko ang aking sarili. Hindi ko na lang siya nireplyan at tinuloy na ang pag-aaya kay Elle.

My best friend loved me so much that she immediately agreed to my invitation.

"Hindi ko alam na may pagkagago rin pala si Jace," inis na sabi ni Elle nang ikwinento ko sa kanya ang nangyari.

We went to a mall and pampered ourselves. We were currently getting our nails done when I told her what happened.

"At ikaw naman, alam kong matagal ka ng gaga pero bawas-bawasan mo naman, Za. Kaya ka laging nasasaktan, e. Hindi ka naman mapigilan," mas malaki ang pagkainis niya sa akin pero alam kong mahal niya ako kaya siya iritado sa akin.

Hindi ko rin naman ginusto ang masaktan, e. Sino ba ang may gustong paulit-ulit na masaktan sa parehong dahilan?

Believe me, I tried.

Ilang beses ko nang sinubukan pero lagi akong hindi nagtatagumpay. Even when I knew that Jace was a prize that wasn't really meant for me to win, I can't help but to still fight for my feelings.

"God, Zarina! I need to find you a boyfriend you deserve," she said frustratedly.

Tipid naman akong ngumiti sa kanya. "Naghahanap na nga si mommy, dadagdag ka pa."

"Well, I should just team up with Tita, then!" she said like it was a good idea. "Don't lock yourself up with a guy who doesn't even care if you can't escape. He's making you assume for nothing!"

"It's not his fault... Ako lang naman talaga iyong umaasa kahit alam kong wala naman talaga," mahina kong sabi.

"Oh, sige! Ipagtanggol mo pa. Kaya hindi ka makakawala,e!" Iritadong-iritado na siya sa akin.

I bit my lower lip. Gusto kong depensahan pa ang sarili ko sa kanyang sinabi pero alam kong tama naman siya.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako at kinalikot na lang ang aking cellphone. I opened my Instagram account and saw that there was a new story from Liana that I immediately checked.