You Are My Beautiful Soul (A Jesse McCartney fanfic)

Chapter 13

            “This is the reason she was afraid to confront you,” Edward said, “You have changed, Jesse. You used to be the one protecting her from me, and now I’m the one protecting her from YOU.”

            “You never loved her!” Jesse accused.

            “I did,” Edward said, “I loved her since we were in school, but she was blinded by her feelings for you, Jesse. I never showed her how I felt. You know how I used to bully her a lot.”

            “I know I had no chance with her when she was in love with you, although you never realized it,” Edward continued, “I thought the only way she’d pay attention to me was if I taunted her, or else she’d never realized I existed behind your shadow. I somehow thought that if I waited, soon enough she’d lose her interest for you, but I guess that didn’t happen.”

            “You had to like her back too,” Edward said as Jesse blinked at him, “When I found out you guys were starting to go out together, it really broke my heart, and that is why I left. I thought she wouldn’t even realize that I was out of her life. But I was suffering every day, thinking about her – I never even saw any other girls after that.”

            “I never knew that,” Jesse said, falling back into the couch weakly.

            “There’s a lot you don’t know about her, Jesse,” Edward said, “do you know how broken up she was when you did that to her.”

            “I never meant to do that to her,” Jesse said, “I didn’t know what happened to me.”

            “You changed, Jesse,” Edward said, “You found fame and you changed. You were no longer that sweet next door boy that she’s known since kindergarten.”

            “I was supposed to be the player, Jesse, not you,” Edward continued as Jesse sat silently looking at his hands, “You were supposed to be the one taking care of her. She followed you on your tours didn’t she? But, how could you cheat on her when she was in the hotel room right beside you?”

            “It was a mistake,” Jesse said, starting to cry. He didn’t care anymore; letting his macho façade crumble, “I never meant to do that. I can’t even believe I did that to her.”

            “Imagine how she felt?” Edward said, “She held you high on a pedestal and you did that to her. That night she left the hotel and wandered on the street. If I didn’t find her, I don’t know what would’ve happened. She was a mess, crying helplessly. I wanted to come and kill you at that moment but she stopped me. She could still protect you after what you did to her.”

            “She’s too nice to me,” Jesse said, shaking his head.

            “She is too nice,” Edward agreed, “She’s an angel. I took her back and took care of her, until she was strong enough to live without you. I helped her get through college, and finally she had a job as a journalist, something she’d wanted to do for a long time. And then you had to enter her life again after so many years.”

            “I never bothered to look for her after that night,” Jesse confessed, “I was ashamed of myself – I was afraid that if I tried to find her, she’d turn away from me, and that hurt me too much to even consider it.”

            “If you really wanted, you could have looked for her,” Edward said, “But you didn’t, until the day her newspaper wanted her to do that interview on you. She told me about it, and she was having second thoughts. She was afraid that if she met you again, her resolve might crumble.”

            “But she did meet you, and all her feelings started coming back to her again. I was afraid of losing her, but I realized that I couldn’t stop her from finding her happiness,” Edward continued, as Jesse looked at him sullenly, “Did you know that she still came and find me every time you were not around. She said that she really liked you, but she doesn’t feel the same way as before.”

            “But why didn’t she tell me anything?” Jesse asked Edward.

            “She was afraid,” Edward said, “she said that she thinks she has fallen in love with someone else, and that if she told you, then you’d hate her. She confessed to me that she liked me, and when you wanted to meet her today, she told me that she wanted to tell you the truth. I decided to propose to her, because I knew that I could never let her go, and the fact that she liked me back made me realize that I finally can find happiness with her.”

            Jesse and Edward looked at each other in silence. Jesse was breathing hard; he couldn’t believe the things he just heard. The girl that he loved does not love him anymore. She found someone else; his own brother.

            “I don’t know what to say,” Jesse said, looking at Edward, “I want her to be happy too, but I can’t believe she chose you.”

            “I’m sorry Jesse,” Edward said, sitting forward and looking into his eyes, “I’m sorry things turned out this way, but I only want what’s best for Amanda, and I think that I am the best for her.”

            “I will never forgive you, Ed!” Jesse spat out, “You could have told her to come back to me, instead you turned everything around so that she’s be too obligated to you that she has to choose you. You’re such a devil!”

            “You can say what you want, Jesse,” Edward said, “I know you’re just being bitter about it. You couldn’t take care of her, and you can’t accept someone else taking care of her.”

            “I HATE YOU!” Jesse shouted and turned over the glass table, shattering it into a million pieces. Edward looked at him unfazed.

            “Please leave,” Edward said, as Jesse glared at him.

            “I will never see your face or even hers ever again!” Jesse cried out, “You can both live happily ever after and don’t ever bother to come and find me!”

            Jesse took out the maroon velvety box from the drawer in his bed-stand and took out the diamond ring, examining it in the light of his bedroom. He could still remember Amanda’s laughter and the way she’d look at him, but all that are mere memories etched deep within his heart. He kept the ring back in the box and placed it in the drawer, and as his eyes caught the photo frame of Amanda and him when they were sixteen, he took it and stared at it for a long time. It had been almost four years.

            He missed her a lot, but she had made up her mind and there was nothing he could say to turn back the time. He hoped Edward and she are happy somewhere in the city, as he had never bothered to look for them ever since that day; he didn’t even attend the wedding. He placed the frame inside the drawer too, and lay down on bed. He doubts he’ll ever find someone who’ll light up his life the way Amanda did, and until he does he was all alone in this world.