1) "Sam!" No answer. Complete and utter silence, "Where are you? this isn't funny anymore." Still no answer. Sarah's footsteps creaked as she walked across the old, blackened floorboards. And then there was a snicker, a sick, cold and dreadful snicker,
"Sam, Sam I am." A dark voice replied; a voice with an ulterior motive, such as one to kill.
2) "When did it all go wrong? I had it all, we had it all." She cried,
"Okay, Okay calm down Jen, please," He responded shaking her shoulders,
"How did it go wrong Chris? When did we become a mess?" Jen uttered thinking about the events that have occured in the past 2 hours, "Murder, murder! How did this happen? We were so careful!"
Looking down at the bloodied body she whimpered as Chris embraced her shivering body.
PA Siri
WWW: There was strong use of dialogue, and it was very interesting. To me the structure seems to be correct.
EBI: There isn't really anything to improve, it's so good, although you could write a bit more next time because it's so interesting.
