Why Should I Care

The start

I was just about to go to bed when all of a sudden downstair I hear yelling. Next thing I know is that my mom is in her rolling crying and my dad yelling. I heard those words that I never thought I would. All I do is sit there staring at my door in dispear. So many emotions are going threw my head and I want to just end it all. I grab my head and scream inside my brain " make it stop!....SHUT UP!...." As the yelling continues in my brain those words repeat. I look to my side to see my brother squirming from the noise and it just makes it worse. I want to scream so bad. But this always happens in these situations. At the time I need to scream the most my voice becomes as quiet as a mouse. All of a sudden my vision gets blurry and next thing I know I'm running down the stairs with my backpack and trying to put my shoes on but failing miserably. I'm can hear my dad calling my name and running down the stairs and I come back to reality and realize what I was about to do. I was going to just leave. I couldnt take it anymore. When my dad came down to stop he asked if I wanted to go with him and I refused. He told I couldn't go by myself but that's all I wanted. As he kept asking if I wanted to go with him I said no. I needed to make sure I didn't hurt shawn. I ran out of the room so fast I'm sure I woke him. I went upstairs  and my mom was calling me. I came to her and hugged her the tightest I've ever  had in years. All I coud say was " mommy....... Why mommy" even though thirteen going to fourteen in a few months. I still call her mommy. I know it's the most immature thing to do nit I didn't care. But for some reason everytime these things happen my eyes, they just make things worse. Everything......everyone seems to get farther away. They always seem to slip away from me and that is I be reason I push people away I don't like seeing that. When I need it my brain tells my eyes....my body and everything else to push them away. Hide. Just get away from it. All I do now is sit in my room. Awhile back I heard my dad leave he screamed at the top of his longs. You know what I need. Does anyone remeber that meme with that grinch in the yoga class. The last just says " let all of your inner emotions out of your system" or something like that and the guy just screams. I'm my head I'm that guy but my screams and pleads to come out as myself are always locked away.

I wrote this while I was sitting at home. Tell me if I should continue.