UNTITLED

Walking Away: Untitled Chapter 1

2014

'Why?'

She asked, tears slowly forming. He looked at her pained expression and for a second he wanted to reach out to her and make it all okay.

'I'm just not happy anymore. I don't think you are too.' Jiyong reasoned. To be perfectly honest, he doesn't quite remember the last time he felt excited to see her. It's been more than a year since they started secretly dating and it sure was bliss the first few months. It was exciting. Keeping the relationship a secret to everyone. Sneaking kisses every chance possible. Making out in tinted cars. It all felt like a dream. He was smitten. This beautiful girl, naive and charming, just took his breath away. He wooed her until she fell in love herself. He didn't care about the five year age difference. He didn't care about getting in trouble with their management. He didn't care if the world knew. All he cared about was that, Sandara Park, the woman deemed to be the prettiest in all of South Korea was his and he was hers.

But then life happened. Work got too overwhelming. Popularity kept soaring. Not just for him, but for Dara as well. Touring around the world made it difficult for them to see each other and communicate. Then when he's home after the tours, he's too exhausted to do anything but rest and recover. Which means days or nights she was free to come see him, would only be spent at home. Hiding from the fans. Hiding from the world. Until it got.. Boring. It got too predictable. It got to the point where there really was no point. He started seeking for excitement. Partying with friends and meeting new people. Doing what's prohibited. Flirting with girls. Texting models. Getting drunk and wasting money. Forgeting about all responsibilites as the leader of BIGBANG. Letting go and in the process, fucking up.

It got so bad, yet so exciting that the thought of seeing his girlfriend started to feel like a chore. Like a responsibility that he didn't want to have. She started getting more.. needy? For a lack of a better word. Which would seem understandable at first, since she was still very much in love and wanting to spend time with the person you love is all but natural.

Finally finding themselves in the middle of his living room. Facing each other after she found photos of him online yet again with arm casually draped on a model's shoulder. Whispering. Laughing. Sandara was never one who would willingly do confrontations but after enduring so many news about his boyfriends escapades, she comes back after a week tour in Japan to find him passed out in the middle of his living room reeking so much of alcohol.

'Wake up' she shook him hard. Not even attempting to be gentle. She's had enough. She's had enough of him barely answering his calls. She's had enough of seeing his name on the news about his infamous parties and Japanese models. She's had enough of the pity looks her friends give her when Jiyong gets brought up in conversations. She's had enough of Bom's warning looks everytime she defends him. She's had enough of Tabi's text messages asking me if her if she was okay, knowing he's checking on me because he feels bad she's in this situation. She's tired of being an afterthought. She wants to go back to how it was before and if it means long talks and confrontations, then so be it.

But it seems too late for anything to be fixed cause here she was, staring at the love of her life and he's saying he wants to end the relationship.

'I didn't do anything. I didn't cheat on you. But I don't think I want US anymore' as he gestured between the two of them. 'I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of hanging out at home to watch another movie. I'm bored. You're boring me.'

She refused to acknowledge the last hurtful comment. She will ignore what he said and ask again..

'Why?' She asks him again. Silently crying this time. But bravely searching his eyes for the love she once saw in them. But nothing. No love. Replaced only with pity.

'I want us to be friends. I care about you a lot, but I do not think this is the life I want.'

'You don't want a life with me?' Is this all true? She asked herself. Why is this happening now? What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? All these thoughts and more kept coming and it's too overwhelming she had to hold on to the couch to find balance.

'No. I don't think so. Not as lovers. I want us to be friends. You're my bestfriend.'

Sandara felt like puking. Best friend? How can he think that will ever happen after this? The man she envisioned to be marrying, the one she wants to have kids with, the man she loves with all of her heart is telling her he no longer wants to be with her and she doesn't know what to do. She remains quiet. Keeping her head down. Silently crying.

After a few painfully quiet minutes, she wipes her eyes, takes a deep breath and looked at him with determined yet sad eyes.

'Okay' she said.

'Dara, I...'

'It's okay. If this is what you want... If it will... umm. I'll ask my manager to pick up my stuff here this week.' She can't go on. She wanted to leave right away. She doesn't want him to see her tears. She wants to be alone. She wants to be home. She wants to curl up in bed and cry all night. And so with a last look to the man she loves, she walks out. Without looking back.

'If this is what will make you happy, Jiyong - then I'll give you your freedom back.' she said to herself. She faintly heard Jiyong saying something and felt him moving towards her but she couldn't let him see her pain so she walked faster and shut the door to his apartment.