"We don't have to do this, you know that, right?" Tan carefully tucked a piece of your hair behind your red and throbbing ear. Your ears always got so hot when you were nervous. He gazed at you tentatively, letting his fingers linger for a moment before removing them with a nervous, breathy laugh. His eyes dropped to his knees, his palms smoothing over his thighs.
"Yeah, I know. I know.." Your repeated, trailing off when you remembered what 'this' entailed. You tried to slow your breathing, your chest rattling when the breath you were taking got stuck half way down. Springing upwards, you shot an apologetic look to an increasingly concerned Tan.
"I'm sorry." You scoffed bitterly - the sound directed inwardly. Bringing both hands to your head, you dragged all of your fingers through your hair, digging your nails into your skull until it hurt. Tan followed you, hesitatingly bringing his hand to your lower back. His touch triggered another wave of panic, as did the look of fear in his eyes. You knew he was nervous too. Maybe he didn't even want to do this.
"What if you don't like it? What if you don't like me, like this? I have no idea what I'm doing, Tan." You laughed incredulously, swallowing your stubborn tears. Tan shook his head, pulling you in to his chest. He rested his chin on top of your head, wrapping his long arms around your body.
"Stop, y/n. I love you. There's nothing you could do that would make me enjoy being with you. We're doing this together. I'm kinda nervous too, but it's just us, okay? And we can stop any time you want to." Tan's softly spoken reassurance had the desired affect, his fingertips dragging themselves across your shoulder blades and reminding you why you wanted to do this in the first place.
"I'm ready if you are." You heard yourself say, your hands finding Tan's as you gently pulled his on top of you. Falling back onto the bed, Tan was even more cautious than usual. His movements were slow and delicate, every touch given ample thought before he executed it. Everything felt more, his fingers leaving a trail of fire on your skin. It felt familiar, to be warm beneath the weight of him, his hips digging into yours as his lips trailed down your neck, your chest. He gazed up at you, his fingers wrapping around the hem of your top as he tugged playfully. You'd been almost naked with him before, but it made your heart flutter and contract to see him asking you, making sure you were okay every few minutes.
"Yeah." You answered the question he hadn't asked you, sliding up to help him pull the material over your shoulders. He took his time familiarising himself with your newly exposed skin, kissing your shoulder before grazing his teeth against your collarbone. His fingers lightly gripped the space in between your ribs and your hips, occasionally giving your flesh a gentle squeeze. He repeatedly dragged his nails over your skin, his smile growing each time you arched your back off the bed in response. His lips found yours, his tongue swiping against your bottom lip as his hand settled itself against the side of your neck. The kiss deepened, Tan's breathless moans tangling with yours. You pulled his shirt up, waiting for him to remove it. You were careful not to push, remembering that despite the way he seemed to know exactly how to calm you down, he was nervous too. He pulled back, taking the hint you'd not so subtly offered. When his lips found yours again you melted into the feeling of his skin on yours. The warmth of his stomach grazed against yours. His right hand snaked up your side, slowly reaching your top rib, resting just beneath the curve of your breast. His thumb travelled over first, making sure you didn't panic before the rest of his hand got involved. This wasn't new, but the way Tan was gently kneading your chest felt new. It wasn't coming to an end, as your sessions like these usually did. This was the beginning. Your hands smoothed over his back, feeling the muscles work together to hold him above you. His lips were everywhere, his kisses becoming rougher, hungrier. You could feel him losing himself, encouraging you to follow suit. You dragged your hand through his hair, using it to softly pull his lips back to yours. You gasped when you felt his roll his hips against yours, his smile teasing yours as he began to grind his body against yours. It was still careful, still slow, but it was more. And it made you want more too. You danced your fingers over his boxers, lingering until you felt Tan give you a subtle nod. Undoing it, you helped it over his legs before dropping it rapidly growing pile of discarded clothing. It made your stomach flip to see his crotch, to feel him against yours. A few minutes later he was ridding you of yours too, carefully sliding it off and away from your body. Your nerves simultaneously calmed and set alight as he brought his lips to your chest, his hands accompanying his tongue as he kissed and licked at all of you. He was so slow, but so good. You felt his smirk every time you reacted, clearly fuelling his confidence. You ended up on your sides, pulling yourselves together as your legs intertwined. Eventually, Tan pulled back, gazing at you with hazy eyes and swollen lips.
"Are you ready?" He husked, his voice sporting a tone you'd never heard on him before.
"Yeah." You answered quickly, your arousal prompting you. Tan smiled, leaning in to kiss you softer than he had been. You were too distracted to feel his hands working the button of your jeans until he was rolling on top of you, sliding his hands past the waistband to slide them down your legs. You lifted your hips to help him, the chill of the exposure latching onto your skin. It made the hairs on your legs raise as you took a shaky breath to steady yourself. Tan seemed to notice the shift, his eyes on yours as he placed your jeans beside the bed. He didn't say anything, he just waited for you to tell him.
"I'm okay. I'm good." You whispered, shaking your head as he waited for a better conformation.
"We don't have to-
"I want to." You cut his off, smiling apologetically for the interruption yet desperate for him to return. He smiled then, about to position himself when your voice stopped him.
"You too? I mean, can you..also.." Your voice was high, your words disjointed as you gestured to his shirt.
"Can you take those off?" You finally managed, laughing softly as Tan nodded in understanding.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get into my pants, y/n." He drawled jokingly, standing up to shimmy out of the black material. Your reply was disrupted by the sight of his legs, their length and their perfection pulling you out of your head. Tan smiled, a little self consciously when he saw you gawking.
"Sorry, I just. You look really good." You explained, feeling heat creep up your neck and land in your cheeks. Tan laughed, his hair messily as he crawled on top of you.
"So do you." He whispered against your lips before connecting them once again. Eventually, when you both had to pull away for air, Tan began his descend down your body. He used his lips as a path, kissing his way down your chest, then your stomach. He paused at your hips, giving each bone some attention. His hands floated between your chest and the sides of your upper thighs.
"You okay?" He breathed, his fingers lingering over the top of your underwear. You took a moment to ask yourself the same question, concluding that you were okay. And you were ready.
"Yeah, you can, you can take them off." You whispered, ignoring the butterflies that swarmed at the sight of Tan removing your underwear. You heard his moan softly, his touches even lighter once he returned her hands to your skin. He was back above you, smiling against your lips as you kissed him deeply. It wasn't until you were both sweating, desperately exploring each others mouths that he dipped her fingers between your thighs. He groaned when he circled his index finger over your clit, almost too quietly for you to notice. He increased his movements, both of your moans growing bolder. You sank into the sensation, letting Tan figure out the best ways to get your hips bucking and your back arching. He took his time, experimenting with different pressures and tempo's, all the while watching your reaction.
"Is this okay?" He breathed, sliding his index finger into your core. You could barely answer his with words, your teeth digging into your bottom lip as you nodded at him.
"Yeah." You gasped, both in response and in pleasure. His fingers moved slowly until he had you shaking, his lips still dancing over your torso and chest, occasionally dipping low enough to have you squirming. He seemingly sensed your orgasm, making sure he was back above you when it hit. He kissed you as he curled his fingers deeper, holding them there as your legs instinctively wrapped around his lower back.
"You okay?" He asked again, gently removing his fingers as he lay down beside you.
"Perfect." You sighed, stars twinkling behind your closed eyes. Tan snuggled in closer, drawing patterns over your lower abdomen. Soon enough the tables had turned, your hands exploring his body before pausing at his underwear.
"Are you ready?" You questioned teasingly, ignoring your lingering nerves.
"Definitely." Tan responded lowly, the moan he released when you made contact with his crotch so good that you almost forgot what you were doing. You touched him in the same way he had touched you, keeping your tongue close to his chest. You had to swallow your own groan when you jack him for the first time, the way his body contracted around you decidedly the best thing you'd ever felt. You wanted to be near him, close enough to feel his breath on your shoulder as you slowly stroke him. You watched his bring his own hand to him as he motioned for you to continue, his orgasm following soon after. You were coated in a thick layer of afterglow, your smile refusing to lessen as you snuggled tightly into Tan. "Was that okay? I mean, it was for me. I mean, for you. Was that okay for you?" Tan laughed at your rambling, kissing you softly to shut you up.
"More than okay, baby." He stroked his thumb over your cheek bone, smiling a little deliriously.
"Maybe we should like, do that again. Just so I make sure I know what I'm doing for the next time, you know?" You teasingly crawled on top of him, peppering his neck with kisses. He laughed low and gravelly, sliding his fingertips down your spine.
"Mmm, I agree. Come here." He pulled you to his lips, and you melted into him again.
