I'm a beautiful and extraordinary person.

I love you

I am a beautiful and extraordinary person.

I've been hurt, countless times. I've been called ugly, fat, boring, annoying, loud, a crybaby, obnoxious, bitter and sad. Ugly, fat, boring, annoying, loud, a crybaby, obnoxious, bitter, and sad.

You know that. You know everything about me.You know my likes, dislikes, favorite books, favorite movies, favorite thing to eat. You know my height, my weight, my chest size. You know how many languages I speak, you know my gpa, you know my friends, you know my enemies.

You know my past.

You know the present.

You know my hopes and dreams.

You know my nightmares

You know my disorders

You know my illnesses.

You know all these things about me, because I've always been honest. Honesty is a foreign word for you. Isn't it?

I've been hurt, abused, taken advantage of, I've been manipulated, lied to, I've been physically and mentally abused.

For a moment in my life, I thought everything in the world was out to get me. I thought everything in this world was horrible, disgusting, and just mean. I thought the world as evil. I didn't trust anyone. Not my friends, not my parents. Not my family. I trusted no one. I wanted to escape. I felt numb.

I wanted to end my life. I failed. I spent weeks in the hospital, weeks on medication. But I still felt so numb.

I was losing hope, and fast.

But one text. One word. One person changed that.

"Hey"

You wanted to talk.

I felt so angry with the world, that I didn't care. I didn't care. I just didn't care.

You changed that. After at most a month of talking, I knew, I was in love.

Love: Something so abstract, something I didn't understand. Something I wanted. Something I didn't have. Something that I didn't feel. Something I couldn't crack.

I fell in love.

I fell.

The first 5 months. I was in love. I felt things I've never felt with anyone else. I wanted to live for them. I wanted to live for you. I wanted to do so many things with you. I wanted to make you as happy as you made me happy. I was happy. You made me happy. I never cried out of sadness anymore. I cried of joy.

You told me so many marvelous things.

"I love you" 

 "I haven't been this happy in so long"

"You're my world."

"I'd never leave you"

"You my favorite person"

"I never want this to end"

"Let's spend the rest of our lives together"

"You make me happy"

"I want to make you happy."

 "Please, never let this end."

I believed you. Because, I know you really did mean it. You do mean it. I know you did feel these things. But after all the dishonesty, I felt... alone again. I know you lie so I wouldn't leave you, but it hurts. So much knowing the person I trust, the person I admire, the person i love the most won't tell me the truth.

I just want you to know, I love you. You made me feel so many things. I love you. I don't need you, I don't need you to live. I want to live with you. Alongside you. If you stopped feeling those feelings, don't feel bad for me. I want you happy. I want you happy. I want you happy. I can't say this enough, I want you happy. Even if that means if you're not with me.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I want you happy my love. If you're not happy with me, that's perfectly fine. I understand. I can't make you love me. You're my best friend.

But you have to understand, I am a beautiful and extraordinary person. You don't define me, my love. I can live without you. You taught me how to be happy, and I am so thankful for that, but don't feel stuck with me. I can move on. Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. I want you happy. Ask yourself, "Am I happy?"

No, ask yourself, "Am I happy with her?" Ask yourself, "Do I love her, or do I love the idea of her." Ask yourself, "Do i love her, or am I just passing the time"

Before you decide, I just want to say, even if you do leave me, I am brilliant. I am beautiful. I am remarkable. I am amazing. I am extraordinary. I am caring. With all the hatred in this world, I still have so much to give. I have so much love to give. I care so much about you. I am a caring person. I have empathy as you know. I am talented. I can change the world.

So before you give up on me, or decide to leave me for someone else, ask yourself, do you really want to lose me? I know you've been going through so much lately. I want to help you. I want to fix things. I want you happy. I want you joyful. I want you full of love and life. Please let me help you. Please.

I'd love to make things work. That's all I want. I don't want to point fingers. I just want to talk things through. We're both brilliant people, we both know what's good for us.

I love you. I always will. I want to make this work. I want you happy.