i try to be
be me, myself and no one else
try to be the best version of myself, that there ever can and will be
there's moments
moments in which i feel as though i am in control
but i am not
because after, follow the moments in which i notice that i never was and never will be in control
it's my mind, that's in control
i hate myself so much, that i want to destroy myself
i hate my mind so much, that i question whether it deserves its place on earth sometimes
and then i hate myself a bit more for hating myself
because i want to be strong for others
for her, who sometimes needs me so desperately
for them, who might think i'm a freak
for that reason, i put on a smile everyday and joke about the most random things
i do it all for others
i don't live because i want to be alive
i live because i need to be alive in order for her to be happy
i live because i'm afraid that what they say is true
that someday it will all be better
even though it gets worse day by day
