sometimes
when things around me are too much
I go to a spot near the lake
and I hang my feet
over the channel wall
and watch the waves
and willow trees
and force the negative impulses
from my brain
and focus only on the beauty
of what's around me
but lately
the creases in the water
and the droopy willow branches
seem to now only make things more confusing
because I know you're sitting
at the edge of another channel wall
with her
and all I can think about is
the fact that she makes you
so happy
happier than I would have ever
been able to make you
and I feel so dirty and selfish
when you tell me
how good of a friend I am
because to me
you're so much damn more than that
but you will never
hear me say it
and the water
and the willow trees
and my spot by the lake
will never be the same
because now
when things get rough
I use you as an escape
even if she's where
I truly want to be
sitting on the edge of a channel wall
With you
(T.s.)
