Colourless Love

Living In a World of Black and White

"Black and white. Black and white. Black and white. That's all I ever see Todd. When am I going to see colour like the rest of my friends?" I said to the wall. Or to my head. Or to Todd I guess. I don't really know what I'm speaking to if it's just an imaginary friend that I have had since forever. But Todd deeply and truly understands me so who cares if I am insane for talking to someone who doesn't exist.

"You will see colour when you find your soul mate Penelope. I tell you this every day and you can't ever get it through your head." He says to me in his soft yet firm voice. 

"Okay as much as I appreciate you reciting facts to me over and over again I would like to say STOP CALLING ME PENELOPE I GO BY PEN" I scream to Todd in my head.

"I know I'm sorry, I'm sorry I keep forgetting you are going through this "guyish" phase. But back to before I need to tell you the rules every day or you forget." I scoff at him out loud. Why is Todd acting so strange all of a sudden. 

"It's not a "guyish" phase okay? I just like my hair short and don't like girl clothes. And yes I do remember those stupid rules. First rule: no physical touch unless it is with your soulmate. Rule two: As soon as you see colour go to your nearest hospital. Rule three: When you find your soulmate you will know immediately so don't wait to get married. Rule four: The final and most important rule, your soulmate will come to you naturally don't force it, it will end badly for both of you." I know the fucking rules Todd...

"Well if you know the rules why are you trying to break them so much?" Todd says in a mocking voice.

"I am not trying to break them. I just don't like being eighteen and not having my soulmate yet. Not to mention that all the people around me who have found their soulmate are straight. And i am very much not. It makes it that much harder for people to like me. I don't even know how i am supposed to know who the person that is my soulmate will affect me. How will i know she's the one? How will i know when to go get married? What does colour actually look like? Ugggh I want to know so bad." All these thoughts racing through my mind at three in the morning is really getting old. I don't know how I am ever supposed to find the person I am supposed to be with like this. It is so much work. And I can't even touch people to find out if I like them or not. it's all so confusing.

"Listen Pen, i get it. It's a lot. But your parents did it. They found each other. They see colour. Ask them whats its like. Learn from them." I can't ask my parents who does he think he is. The best thing I can do now is go to school and wait till graduation. Yeah that's what i'll do. Focus on school and not the love of my life. Simple enough. Or maybe I could talk to my parents...