Book To Help Me Cope

The great revelation (revolution)-

-depression-

I've been really tired lately and I'm not sure why. I cried last night and I'm not sure why either. I can't even remember why I was sad, there must have been some reason right? I didn't always cry for no reason, I used to pride myself on the fact that everything I did I did for a reason. Always.

Never once in my life have I ever truly wanted to get better, but lately I've been actually trying and it's pretty new to me.

Before I actually decided this I used to always say or think, this is something I have to do or figure out once I fixed my head. Though I don't know why because before for me I would never get better and I would never try because maybe I just didn't care. It seemed so easy to just let it all consume me and not even try.

Not just that though, my mind always told me I wasn't good enough or that I was faking. Then though I figured I didn't want to be confused anymore or fucking hurt and just... this wasn't letting me do anything, everything I felt didn't let me do a goddamn thing.

Before I think I was just going to let myself grow up to be a fuck up, a junkie, and a failure but I really want to be a musician. I want my music to mean something to people and I want it to speak to people. I want to become something.

Once upon a time I thought to myself, to try everything once, there is no harm in trying this. If I fail I'm no worse off than I was before really.

Tomorrows new years eve and I'm excited because I'm going to get wasted.

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(295 words)

Thank you for reading, love you, and good luck.