Lets get ready and excited for the new season shall we?!!! XD HERE WE GO!!!
q: what's the difference between a dead musician on the side of the road and a dead squirrel on the side of the road?
a: the squirrel was probably on his way to a gig!
What is the definition of a minor second?
Two flutes playing in unison.
What's worse than having an oboe player in the band?
Having two.
Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and a mouse?
A: You can't hear a mouse squeak over the entire band!
Q: What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain?
A: An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist.
Q: Is there a difference between the sound of a clarinet and a cat in heat?
A: Of course, but only if the cat is in good health.
Q: Why was the clarinet invented?
A: To make the oboe look good, mess up someone's fingers, and to ensure that there will always be someone to steal reeds from.
Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.
Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues
Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the flute recital.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the
road and a dead flutist in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What do you call a good flute section?
A: Impossible.
Q: Four flutists drive a mini-van off of a cliff. What is the
tragedy?
A: You can easily fit eight flutists in a mini-van.
Q: Why were flutes invented?
A: To hit the person on the right.
Q: What do you have when a group of flutists are up to their necks in wet
concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.
Q: Why do flutists leave their instruments on the dashboards of their
cars?
A: So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.
Q: How are a saxophone player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
Q: What do a lawsuit and a saxophone have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Q: What is the definition of a half step?
A: Two altos playing in unison.
Q: Why don't sax players like playing soprano?
A: There's no place to hide their drugs.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophonist and a lawnmower?
A: A lawnmower cuts grass; a sax player smokes it
Q: What's the difference between a Tenor sax player and a macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious, and noisy, and the other is a bird.
Q: How can you tell if a saxophonist is intelligent?
A: He can understand a fingering chart except for L.th and R.th.
A man walks into a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looks at the selections:
Flute Brains $1/pound
Percussion Brains $5/pound
Tuba Brains $10/pound
Saxophone Brains $100/pound
He asks the butcher why saxophone brains are so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know how many saxophone players you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
Q: What do you call a professional euphonium player who doesn't play in a military band?
A: Unemployed.
Q: What do you call a euphonium player with a pager and a cell phone?
A: Optimistic.
YOU ARE READING
Hi! My Name Is: Band Nerd (Band Jokes)
HumorTrumpets are arrogant assholes, Trombones are lazy, Saxes are stoners, Percussionists are stoners AND lazy, and flutes whine too much. Nobody likes the director, and the Drum Major helps us sacrifice all the disobedient beginning marchers. THIS IS B...
