Ceaselessly // Ellie Goulding

sixty-eight.

s i x t y - e i g h t .

Ellie

I look over to the joy upon Alexis' face as she watches the ducks, she's the happiest she's been in weeks. I felt the need to make up the fact that I had left her with Hannah last night so I could go to the glamour awards. I had left Hannah in charge of her more than a few times in the past few months, and she just wanted me to be with her.

"Darling, look over there at the family of ducks!" I point over far away from where she's standing and Alexis squints and tries to get on her tip toes and with no luck. She grabs onto my shirt and tugs, asking in her own way for me to lift her up so she can get a better look. I do as she silently asks and she immediately scopes out the family of six ducks.

"Mumma, I see them!" I smile and give her a quick peck on her cheek and she giggles. Oh how I miss her when I'm away at events or doing shows in a different continent. I still feel guilty for not bringing her with me but I don't want her to grow up with my career hindering her, I had been advised to try and not bring her to my shows and I tried to keep to that, it was for the best.

"How many ducks to you see, love?" I always loved testing her maths skills, she was proving to be smart, she was much farther ahead than anybody expected she would be.

"I see... Six! Six ducks, Mumma!" I quickly congratulate her and give her another quick peck on her cheek.

"Do you want to go play on the playground equipment with the other children or do you want to stay looking at the ducks?" I ask, looking over to see a few children that looks to be around Alexis' age or a bit older. I bring my head back around to be looking out at the pond and bring it a bit further to the right to see Alexis pondering her options. We had been looking at ducks for fifteen minutes at least.

"I just wanna look at the ducks, Mumma. Too many people," I sigh and nod, letting her down so she can continue looking out at the pond. She's shy, and I understand that. Today is a day where I make up for being a barely above par mum, so we'll continue looking at the ducks if that's what she wants.

Eventually, once Alexis notices that a few children have left the playground and she's sick of counting, she points over to the playground as she tugs my shirt again.

"Do you want to go over and play with the other children?" I kneel down so that I'm closer to her height and I move a few strands of hair out of her face, "You're a big enough girl to use your words, darling. No more tugging on my shirt, please," I have to keep reminding her that pulling on peoples clothes is not acceptable, and hoping that people will understand her actions instead of speaking up may not always work in her favour.

"I want to play with the children, Mumma," She nods and completely disregards the second half of what I said as she starts walking towards the playground. I feel as though we haven't quite gotten out of the attitude of the terrible-two's, she's been three for a third of a year and we're still not quite there, almost, but not quite.

"Alexis, take my hand." I instruct for my child to do so and she stops momentarily to look up at me before walking a few steps further, she's being a little bit cheeky and I'm being much more cooperative than I should be, "Alexandria, we can go home now instead if you would like to keep being cheeky," I get a pout out of that one before she comes back to my side to grab my hand.

We walk the rest of the short walk until we get to the bench facing the children playing on the equipment. I sit down and let her go off to play, it brings me so much joy to see her actually conversing with other children and playing. She's usually quite anti-social so to see her being civil and seeming quite happy as she makes friends makes me just as happy.