Wonderland [WWE] [Shawn Michaels] {Book 1}

Chapter 28: It's All My Fault

"Look," I read her name tag, "Lucy, my name is Michael Shawn Hickenbottom. I'm 31 years old, birthday is July 22nd, and it is January 2nd of the year 1997. That's Paul Levesque, he's my best friend. He's 27. We are in Hartford, Connecticut. Bill Clinton is the President. I don't have brain damage. 'Kay?" I mocked her. "Now, can I leave?"

She pursed her lips as she lowered her clipboard, obviously annoyed with me. I didn't blame her. "I'll go get your paperwork."

Paul just shook his head at me. "Will you chill out? I want to make sure Kat is okay just as much as you do."

I ignored what he had said. "Did you bring me any clothes?"

He shook his head yet again. "I came straight here. I didn't even think about it."

I had to wait for Paul to come back with fresh clothes for me. I was released from everything imprisoning me, but I just sat still on the bed. The nurse, not Lucy (she had apparently decided I was a lost cause), had told me Kat was in recovery, but would be placed in a room soon. I tried remembering how she looked the last time I saw her.

She was asleep, her eyes shut tight beneath the curls of her dark hair. She had been so peaceful. And then I again replayed my memories of the crash. I couldn't shake it from my head as much as I tried.

Those headlights were going to be ingrained in my brain forever.

When Paul came back with the clothes, I changed as quickly as I could. I had to see her.

We couldn't track down either of my nurses, so we stopped at the front desk.

We asked the woman sitting there if she knew where Kat's room was. "Can you point us toward the room for Katherine Hic--I mean, McMahon?"

She looked at me from over the top of her thin glasses, obviously thrilled to be working the night shift.

"At this hour, we only allow family visitations," she explained.

"I'm her fiance," I replied. "And this is--" I wasn't sure what I was going to say.

"I'm her other fiance," Paul said. I could have slapped him.

The woman looked between us, then down at her crossword, and ultimately decided we weren't worth her time. She typed Kat's name into her computer. "She's in room 403."

We thanked her and made our way there. I braced myself before we walked in, but it still wouldn't have prepared me.

I don't know what I was expecting, really. I guess I thought she would be sitting up, smiling at us. Somewhere, I knew that wouldn't be the case. But I had still wanted it to be true.

Kat was all tied up, like I was. The white lights made her look sick and pasty. She wasn't awake.

A doctor appeared soon enough to tell us the bad news. He didn't have to say, "I have bad news", but I knew from the way he came in.

He told us Kat had hit her head pretty hard. A large bandage covered her forehead. When she woke up, which they said could take hours or weeks, she might have brain damage. Like they thought I did. One of her ribs was crushed and she had lost a lot of blood.

I just stood there, numb, as I listened to all of this.

"And, I'm sorry, but she lost the baby."

My ears pricked up again. The what now?

"The... baby?" Paul took the words from my mouth.

"You didn't know? She was pregnant."

The doctor's words were now falling on deaf ears. My legs seemed to collapse underneath me. There was a good thing there was a chair there, or I would have gone straight down.

I didn't hear anything else he told Paul; he would have to fill me in later. The doctor left soon after that, leaving us alone.

I couldn't wrap my head around any of it. This wasn't right. None of it was right.

***

Kat's eyes fluttered open. U was there by her side instantly.

"Oh my god, you're okay!" I wrapped my arms so tightly around her, I doubted she could breathe.

"Of course I am." She smiled at me when I pulled away. She looked worried that I was so relieved. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter now," I told her. I brought my lips to hers and calmed us both.

When I opened my eyes, Kat was still on the bed. Her eyes were still closed. She had never woken up. I had dreamed it all.

I leapt from my chair and in my rage, I threw it against the far wall. Much to my disappointment, it didn't break, just clattered to the floor.

However, the noise was enough to wake Paul. It had to be the early morning by now, but both of us hadn't slept enough.

"Hey, hey! Calm down, Shawn." I didn't want to be calm. Being calm wasn't going to bring Kat back to me.

"I can't take it anymore. I can't take it."

"Why don't you go back to the hotel and get some sleep?" He saw my eyes flicker to Kat. "I'll keep an eye on her, and I'll call you if she wakes up. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," I stormed out of the room. I knew Paul shouldn't have been the brunt of my anger, but I didn't care. Something had to give.

***

I couldn't sleep at the hotel. I just sat there, staring up at the ceiling. It was my fault. All of it.

If I would have been more careful when I was driving. If I would have just let her be mad at me so we would have left the arena earlier. If I would have not made her mad at me at all.

Maybe if I had been different, she wouldn't be in the hospital.

What do you do when you're hurting all over? You take some painkillers.

Just looking at them pissed me off. This whole thing was what made Kat mad at me in the first place. But I didn't care anymore.

I should've been better. For her.

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-A/N-
I'm SOBBING. Shawn is so emotional. Andjsjdjdhdhdbdbdbdbdbdbbdbdb. What do you think???
***
Alright so I was tagged in this:

1- Not unless you count people that are either fictional or way older than me

2- Jo Kaitlin (I have two!)

3- 5'7

4- Brown

5- Reading this tbh

6- Fear itself. Or goddamned spiders

7- The BTVS OMWF soundtrack

8- Rebekah

9- Instagram and Wattpad

10- I don't know that many people lmao so I am tagging all of you who read this!!