MAKE IT COUNT.

i can't handle change

millie broke the hug this time and looked directly at him, her eyes completely red and her nose puffy, "p- please d- don't die," she paused, "d-don't leave me here, i- i want to be with you when i go out of this hospital. we just promised each other that we'd survive together, and- and you would tell me more about constellations and the stars and the cosmos and we would introduce more songs to each other and i'd watch you become the most famous rockstar, r- right?"

finn gently kissed millie's forehead and closed his eyes. he started intently at her round brown eyes and it made millie slightly shiver because he looked at her the way she deserved to be looked at like the whole world could crumble and he wouldn't blink. he put a strand of hair at the back of her ear. "i really wish i could keep that promise, but nothing about us is certain. i'm not certain," millie buried her face on his chest once again as he felt her warm tears on his hospital gown.

"just please promise that whatever time we have, whether it's ten minutes, or ten hours, or ten years, we'll still be right beside each other," she said. finn held millie's face with both of his hands and narrowed his eyes on hers intently, "i promise,"

"just let me be the strong one for you for once, millie," he whispered softly.

millie steadied herself and wiped her tears away, "god, i'm such a mess right now,"

finn slightly smiled, "i like it when i see the messy side of you. it makes it easier for me to show you mine," he stated, brushing his thumb on her face softly.

silence occurred between the two, "i'm still gonna be able to give you the best love story of your life, right?" she reassured.

"you're already giving it to me,"

//

millie woke up doing the exact same thing as usual. nat getting her vitals, her parents visiting her, taking raw fish medicines, which was harder to swallow this morning because she didn't have finn right by her side to convince her. the freckle-faced boy was always her weakest spot.

she felt a buzz under her pillow and got a text from her group.

[sadie - 9:46 am] new girl, come by here, room 337.

[noah - 9:47 am] we fell in line for you already millster, eat your breakfast here xx

[caleb - 9:47 am] Everyone's here

[gaten - 9:48 am] Bring Finn if you want! We can play Metal Gear Solid again!

[caleb - 9:48 am] And he'll beat your ass again.

[gaten - 9:48 am] I'm literally right across from you, so just know that I can beat your ass anytime :)

[noah - 9:48 am] thats right, you're literally just right across each other. then just fucking tell him personally

[sadie - 9:49 am] uh noah...you're texting either, when you're literally just beside gaten

[gaten - 9:49 am] You are beside me too, sadie?

[millie - 9:50 am] YOU ARE ALL HYPOCRITES

millie added finn in the group chat

[gaten - 9:51 am] NICE!!!! Finn, you there buddy?

[millie - 9:51 am] He's resting.

[gaten - 9:52 am] Oohhhh, probably saving energy so he can try to beat me on MGS. Haha!

[noah - 9:53 am] as if he needs one

[millie - 9:55 am] I'll come over now.

[sadie - 9:56 am] see you girl friend

she turned her phone off and immediately jogged towards sadie's room. she was met by gaten and caleb arguing over something on the tv while noah and sadie are eating their breakfast. millie closed the door behind her, "what's these two arguing about?"

"who knows," noah shrugged and took a bite of his omelette. "new girl, here," sadie handed her a tray with an omelette and egg sandwich on the side.

the group just chattered about anything that came through their minds while millie just silently ate her breakfast, still deep in thought about the freckle-faced boy and saddened about the pain he's probably feeling right now.

"millster, you okay?" noah asked in concern. millie shook her head and the rest of the group immediately got around her while gaten lessened the volume of the tv.

"what's wrong?" sadie held her hand. "i- it's finn," millie paused for a moment while the group went closer, "we just found out yesterday. . .he has cancer cells spreading throughout h- his body," she said, trying to stop herself from crying again.

"oh my god," sadie put her hand on her mouth in disbelief, all of them gave the british girl a tight hug.

"i- i can't believe this," caleb said in shock. "me neither," noah agreed. "can we visit him?" gaten asked while the others nodded in agreement.

"not at the moment, h- he needs some space and rest," millie replied weakly. "this is so hard. . .especially for the both of you," sadie said, caressing millie's back up and down.

"it's just. . .i- i don't understand. why does it have to be us? to be him? we did nothing wrong," she paused, "finn's a good person, and he has had enough. why do they keep making him suffer like this?" millie started to tear up so the others gave her a side hug.

"i- i just want everything to be okay," she said in between sobs. "i know you do, millie," sadie paused, "which is why you can't leave him now. we know he's tough, but he's also vulnerable. and you know that, he only has a hard time expressing it," sadie wiped millie's tears away from her cheek, "whatever time we have left, or you have left, or he has left, make it count,"

millie sniffed, "i wasn't intending to leave his side, i would never," she paused. "finn needs me and i need him as much. it's just- i. . .i can't lose him," she trailed off, "i don't want to see him suffer anymore, i just want to help him but i don't know what to do-"

"millie," gaten cut her off, "i may not know finn too well yet but i know what he's going through and trust me, the last thing he needs is a guardian. he needs millie. by that means, he needs support and help. but don't let that become your only objective, because he needs love too,"

millie nodded in understanding. "b- but i want to fix his damage and pain, i hate seeing him like this,"

"it's not always like that, millie," sadie said softly, "you can't always be the one to pick up the pieces. we think that we can just change people the way they are but when the day comes we finally realize the hard way that they can't be changed at all," she stated.

"this is happening millie, one way or another. you can't change him," noah added sadly.

"then what do i do?"

"love him,"

//

a/n: expect more angst in the next few chapters :-)) SorRy

out of curiosity, what has been your fav chapter so far? have a great day!