Finding Elphaba (Book 2 in Endless Love Trilogy)

Embracing Wicked

Just as suddenly I straighten back up and begin to pace. "One question haunts and hurts Too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention?" I say looking into a mirror. "Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?" I watch as I glare into the mirror. "If that's all good deeds are maybe that's the reason why no good deed goes unpunished! All helpful urges should be circumvented! No good deed goes unpunished!" I notice how angry I look at that moment and annoyed. "Sure, I meant well - well, look at what well-meant did.All right, enough!" I slam my fist down then stand and look rather cruel and we'll wicked. "So be it!" I watch as I take a shaky breath and go to the window looking out. "So be it, then. Let all Oz be agreed I'm wicked through and through since I can not succeed Fiyero, saving you I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again. Ever again!" I watch as I raise my arms and belt at the top of my lungs, "No good deed will I do again!" I slam my arms down at the last word, throw my head back and cackle madly.

The vision of me cackling fades away, and the Witch reappears. I stare at her unable to say anything, and she studies me a little. Those few moments there that day is when you embraced me. That was the moment you became the biggest threat ever to the Wizard, because you went after him not only for the Animals' rights, but for revenge. Revenge on him for the death of Dr. Dillamond, Nessarose, and Fiyero. So you see, as much as you hate this side of yourself, me, you won't ever be complete or truly remember who you are until you accept me.

"I'm not sure I can." I shake my head. "I can't go back to how things were. I can't be wicked." Just because you accept me, doesn't mean you have to be wicked. After all you had wickedness thrust upon you before... sort of. "But if I accept you then I will become wicked. Just like before!" It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to begin with. I watch her closely but she just stares back at me. The world's way is so wicked to begin with... I hadn't thought about that before.

I turn away from my image, my mind processing everything, and as I go to walk away the Witch speaks again. Elphaba. I pause and look over at her. Remember what Princess Nastoya told you. "What was that?" She told you 'Remember this; Nothing is written in the stars. Not these ones, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. Even at your very worst, there is always a choice. "What's that supposed to mean?" It means just because everyone calls you wicked and I am wicked doesn't mean I'm the end you have to be wicked. That is a decision you can make for yourself even in the state you are in now. "And what state would that be?" I ask folding my arms across my chest, and she cackles a little amused I think. You're lost, Elphaba, but don't allow your own fears as to what did happen before or what could happen in future keep you from finding who you are now. The Witch is right. I am afraid of what will happen if I fully remember who I am, and I am scared of what that would mean for not only me, but Glinda. "It's my decision in the end, not that if Witch, the people or Glinda, but me." She nods when I say this, and I take a shaky breath. "Very well."

I stand straighter and look directly into the mirror. "I accept that I was the young child starving for the attention and love of her peers." The vision of childhood me flashes into view and looks as if she is walking towards me and it feels as if she enters me, and I suddenly remember my entire childhood. "I accept that I was the young woman in school who started as an outcast and then found friends in the most unlikely people." I see myself dressed in the Shiz uniform come towards me and again it feels as if she enters me, and more memories are recalled. Finally, standing before me is the Witch, and for a moment we stare at each other. I take a shaky breath and then nod. "I also accept that I am the misunderstood green girl who felt in the end had to give the people what they wanted, and so I stand here and declare that I am Elphaba Melanie Thropp Wicked Witch of the West." The Witch gives me an almost impressed look before she walks forward and enters me. At that moment I double over holding my head, eyes squeezed shut as every memory comes flooding into my mind.

After a moment I stand and there staring back at me is a confident, whole woman, and I can't help but cackle. I. Am. Me!

My moment of happiness quickly ruined though when the sound of thunder is heard. "Glinda!" I say quickly and leave the room. I know she is scared to death of storms, and I know I can calm her down.

I quietly open the door to her room, and the first thing I see is she has packed up all her things, and I feel my heart break a little. She plans to leave. I am pulled from my thoughts and remember why I am there when I hear her crying softly into her pillow, and go over to her bed. "Glinda?" I call her name softly, and she roll over and stares at me looking shocked. I slowly slide into the bed beside her. "Oh, Glinda." I say gently pulling her against me, and cuddles as close as she can. "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be alright, my sweet." I whisper stroking her beautiful blonde hair.

We sit this way for awhile and with each rumble of thunder and flash of lightening she flinches. My gaze wanders around the room and I again feel heartbroken when I see she has packed all her things. "Please don't leave, Glinda." I whisper and she looks up at me surprised. "B-but how did you know?" She asks in a shaky whispers, and I give her a sad small smile and glance at all her luggage. "I couldn't help but notice your trunks and bags all packed and stacked near your door."

"I... I'm sorry. I should have told you." Her eyes meet mine. I stay quiet for several minutes continuing to hold her before I speak again. "Please don't leave Glinda." I say again quietly, and looks at me in wonder. "I... I came over here because I had a memory, more like a feeling I guess, that you needed me to comfort you." I look at her.

"You remember that storms bother me?" She ask cuddling closer and holding me rather tightly as more thunder is heard. I sigh. "As I said it was more of feeling, and... and I think that maybe... maybe I... Glinda please don't leave!" I plead. I want to tell her I love her. I want to tell her I can't stand to lose her again, but I can't find the words. She sits up and strokes my cheek. "Elphie, how could I possibly leave you now?" She gives me a small smile. I was only going to leave because I thought you couldn't get better, but now, now there is a chance." She slams against me though as the storm again is heard.

A chance? Did she just say a chance? Does this mean we could be together again? My heart swells with hope"So you will stay?" I asks stroking her hair again. She smiles and nods against me. "Yes Elphie, I will stay." I begin to grin. "Thank you, my sweet." I whisper and I can hear the smile in her voice. "You're welcome."

She cuddles close and just when she is about to fall asleep I whisper. "Glinda?"

"Hmm?"

"I want you to know I remember." She opens her eyes sleepily and looks at me. "Remember what Elphie?" She says yawning. "Everything." I whisper. "I remember everything, but most of all I remember us." I say laying down and pulling the covers over us.