Things to Say

Life

I ran across this Facebook video of being brainwashed, he said that the News is one of the biggest problems. The world is still safe, it's possibly the safest it's ever been and it's going to continue getting safer.

Luckily for me, I hate the news, and I mostly just read and write. Social media is not my favorite because it brings me down, thinking I have worse because I don't have what those people have. I am happy, I just think I'm not. I have a family, I have love even though I don't really feel like it at times, sure I'm not in a relationship - but that doesn't make me a bad person or a  person you should hate.

Sure I have different beliefs than I was raised in, but I'm getting to that age where I should be able to break away. I got rid of my toxic relationships, I finally pushed these people out of my head that were causing me stress, anxiety, and depression. I don't need them, I didn't need them. And they apparently didn't want me. Do they need me? Probably, and I'm willing to listen, but I'm not going to walk back into their lives.

Don't come to me if you don't need me. If your just going to pull me down and hurt me, because it just hurts you as well. I appreciate those who support me in how I feel, what I do, and who I want to love. I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way I do, or believe the same, but it's not anyone's job to keep someone else happy - they need to find it for themselves.

I've become Vegan recently, been that way for a month, and the group I have on this Amino app is great, but I have to be careful with what they say and do, to make sure I don't let it get in my head if I don't believe it or if it seems harmful to myself. I'm sure they're not perfect themselves, but I'm still learning in a way, doesn't mean they have to yell at me or go around the app posting different and basically throwing knives at me before talking to me.

Sure in a way, when I run across these farm videos and what they do to animals, it is a little bit of a brainwash... they're not hurt that badly. They just want us to think they are, my main reason of being Vegan is not for them - it's for me. And this group I'm in is very strict on that, but I have to tell myself that it's not that bad... because it really isn't. I know they're here for us to eat, but that's not what I am Vegan for, it helps me in so many ways, and having people tell me different is painful.

I beat myself up over my clothes and makeup, when really it doesn't matter. Just do the best you can. Giving up sugar and gluten is hard, but illuminating what I can helps me more than starving. I haven't been exercising as much as I have - do I need to get back into it? Sure, yes, I'd like to. But beating yourself up about these things isn't going to do anything, it's just going to push it further away from you. Calmly get back into it, take a minute to relax.

Growing up is hard to do, yes, but they make it seem so much harder than it is. Personally, the only thing I seem to struggle with is being away from my family.

Taking time for me to think of these things, is helping me physically and mentally. It doesn't matter who you are, what you dress like, how much you have, who you love... it just matters that you're human. And we all make mistakes. Don't try to cover it up, don't make it worse by stressing over the mistakes. I've been thinking a lot about these things over the years, but it doesn't really make much sense back then as it does now.

I'm into girly clothes, and black clothes. Doesn't mean I'm goth or girly. I lean towards more black clothes, but don't call me goth, because I am super girly and really nice, loving, and caring. I love to read, TV could mean less to me. I don't watch much of it - and even if I do, I am careful with it because some shows can harm you.

I have been big on The Fosters, but I think I'm done watching it. It's a great show, but it's way to suspenseful and I am on the edge of my seat with it. Sure that's a good thing once in a while, but it puts a lot on me. I love Pretty Little Liars, it's nice, stirs my imagination for my books, it's different to other shows and isn't as harmful or powerful as The Fosters and other shows are to me. Plus, shows are there for a few minutes, and then you kinda just forget about them. What's meaningful is words.

You always hear; 'Words are powerful'

That's because words ARE powerful. Books, writing books, speaking to someone, texting, posting, blogging.... they're all powerful in one way or another. I love books, I would much rather have that over clothes, shows, movies, music, and makeup. In fact, I just told myself that I'm done with makeup because I don't really use it and I don't really need it because I am beautiful - I just needed time to find that out for myself and not have people basically forcing it on me. Plus, my relationships messed that up. Now that I'm finding who I am. I couldn't be happier.

I am also being careful with the music I listen to because a lot of it brings me down and makes me feel depressed even though I'm not. I'm slowly progressing to the music I used to listen to, stuff that makes me dance and smile and I can sing along to. Music that lifts and teaches in a way not that drags me down. Because I don't need anything else taking me down.

But... I'm not done with clothes and, I never will be... but I need to be generous with it and buy what I love, not what I want or wish to have or think I look good in when really I don't. That's why I love shopping in stores - online sucks if you don't know exactly what you want, what exactly your sizes are (they don't get it right anyways), and it cost more.

Now books, books is what I want and love the most. So that's what I should save up for.

You need clothes, and you need food. But what we also need is love.

Get things you want, but make sure it'll last you a lifetime. Because we only have one.