These nights were always the hardest.
The ones where they'd fly me out a day before him so we could be spotted in separate countries and nobody would have anything to say about it.
The ones where it was only me in the bed and the bed was much too big for just one person.
My heart always feels so empty without him, like there's this entire chunk
of me missing and I really need that chunk of me to function. I can't even sleep properly without him.
I miss his arms around me and I miss my arms around him. I miss the sleepy kisses he presses into my hair and the sounds he makes when I kiss his neck and run my fingers through his hair just as tiredly. I miss tracing patterns aimlessly into his skin and I miss when he runs his hand up and down my leg before sleep takes us. I miss hearing him mumble meaningless sleep talk. I just miss his presence. The heat that radiates from beside me, I can feel love and comfort by him just being there.
My eyes are heavy and I want to sleep, but sleep is nearly impossible without him. My heart aches, longing for him. I need him, and I've come to accept that over the years of being with him. It's 3:06am and I wonder if Harry's fallen asleep yet. I know he has just as bad of a time sleeping without me as I do without him. I should text him but if he's managed to fall asleep I don't want to wake him.
He clouds my thoughts, every second of everyday and in the bitter darkness of this hotel room he takes over my thoughts. It's insane how much it hurts for it just being one fucking night. You'd think I could survive that.
I need a distraction so I write out a text to Ashton because he's good at cheering anyone up with his fun side and caring side. Plus maybe one of the other boys would answer and they would be just as good to talk to: 'hi' it reads.
I get a reply almost instantly: 'hi louis!!!! father! :D'. The 5sos boys have taken to calling me their dad, "you've discovered us so therefore you've fathered our success!" I find it quite amusing because those boys are just a whole lotta crazy, must be why they get on so well with the lads and I.
'tell all my children i say hi :)'
'we say hi back :) -cal'
I smirk, didn't I call that one of the others would end up taking Ash's phone? Another text comes in a moment later, this time from Michael: 'shouldn't you be asleep tommo? -mikey' He then continues to insert about 3 sleeping emojis.
So much for being distracted, 'can't sleep :/'
I'm left to try and not focus on the loneliness this room is making me feel. It's so unnatural and empty in here. Not like home, which is Harry.
After a minute or two my phone vibrates, 'whyyyyyy not? btw its ash again assholes keep stealing my phone!!'
It's quite funny, even through texts their happy and odd vibes show through. They just cheer you up when you need it, even if it only distracts you for a minute, it still helps loads.
'haha i noticed!' I may or may not be avoiding the question.
'but really why not?'
Oh damn, he's serious this time. It's not I don't want to tell him. It's just it feels so personal and it hurts a little to talk about it-or text about it. He's not stupid, he knows something's up.
Another positive about Ash, and all of the boys really is that though they're crazy and fun, they are really caring too. They always know when something's wrong.
So I type out: 'no harry :( cheesy huh? they make us fly out on separate days...'
'I'm sorry mate. :( that really really really reeeeeeeally sucks ass.' I roll my eyes, a faint smile appearing on my face. That kid says the weirdest shit.
'got a smile outta me there ash'
'ass always makes me smile ;)'
I let out a snort at that one.
'getting a bit creepy there mate'
'I'm always creepy...' This text is complete with a selfie of Ashton, who is extremely close to the camera with wide eyes and an uncomfortable and disturbing smile.
'yeah I noticed kid. everyone knows that. hey creeper wheres luke? haven't heard from him yet, missing all my kids over here'
There's a few moments without a reply until a message pops up, 'I was eating but I'm alive! helloo -luke'
'there he is!"
