Start Again

Somebody

"Between Dave and I there was a small physical attraction, but only for that moment when we were together. I don't feel the same way about him as I feel about you" I said as my heart felt heavy and ready to break. I had made a stupid mistake and hurt Martin.

I was so afraid of the emotions that had passed through me when Martin kissed me at the pub. I think part of me wanted something to try to crush those emotions, that something had been sex with Dave. I realized as his sad green eyes glanced at me that my attempt to ruin those feelings was nothing more than a waste of time.

"How do you feel about me Blair?" Martin asked. I let go of his hand and cupped his cheek. "I'm afraid to put a word to it" I quietly admitted as he took my freehand in his. "Try to" Martin replied. I shook my head as I fumbled with the braid that hung from the side of Martin's hair. I knew what it was but I still didn't want to say it.

"Blair...please, I need to know where you stand" Martin begged. I took a deep breath and continued to play with the braid. "Fondness, endearment, attachment, infatuation, adoration" I began listing words that were similar to the one word that I was afraid to let pass my lips.

"Love" Martin stated catching on to where I was scared to go. "You know I'm no good when it comes to that" I admitted. Martin pulled my hand away from his braid and firmly held both of my hands. "I forgive you, but stop trying to mess this up before it even really begins" Martin begged as he squeezed my hands.

"I'm so scared Martin" I admitted as I stared up at him. "I'm right here with you Blair and I'm not going anywhere" He replied before leaning over the table and placing his lips on mine. I felt the same rush of raw emotions that I had in the pub the day before.

I was scared for many different reasons. I was afraid of ruining everything between Martin and myself just like everything else had been ruined. I was afraid that my feelings for him were already so strong, that the connection and bond I felt with him was so powerful. That things seemed to take place so quickly but time also seemed to stop when I was with him.

I was also afraid of Martin getting hurt. Of anyone judging or teasing him for me being older, but I felt less scared, less afraid, with Martin with me. He gave me a big grin showing his perfectly imperfect teeth that made my heart flutter.

"Love" I quietly said finally letting the word willingly pass my lips as I smiled back at Martin. "Love" Martin repeated and held my hands tighter. He lifted my hands off the table and held them in front of his face. Martin began repeatedly kissing the top of one hand then the other. My cheeks turned bright red and I couldn't hold back the ridiculous smile that had spread across my face.

"Finish your coffee and we'll leave" Martin said giving my hand one last kiss before lowering them to the table. I picked up the ceramic cup and made a disgusted face as the cold coffee touched my tongue. "It's ice cold" I complained as I sat the cup down again.

"So is mine. How long have we been here?" Martin asked before pushing his own cup into the middle of the table and away from himself. For the first time since we sat down I looked out the large glass window and was surprised to see that the bright light of the sun had been replaced by the hazy glow from streetlights.

"Definitely longer than an hour, that's for sure" I replied still staring out the window in amazement. I turned my attention back to Martin who was watching me stupidly stare out the window with a smile on his face. "You're gorgeous Blair" Martin said making me blush.

"You're not too bad yourself" I replied with a smirk as I reached up and pushed Martin's blonde mop out of his face. I leaned over the table and sweetly pecked his lips a handful of times. The curly mess of hair flopped back down in protest of being moved. I giggled against Martin's lips as his soft curls brushed against my forehead.

"Aw how sweet. Look at the two lovebirds" I heard someone sarcastically say from behind me. My stomach dropped as I slowly pulled away from Martin and sank down into my chair not wanting to turn around and face the man. "You can't ignore me forever, Blair Madison" Billy slurred as my heart started to race out of sheer panic. I stared down at the table and clenched my jaw as I started to hyperventilate.

"Billy, leave me alone" I quietly replied. "Is this your new boyfriend?" He coldly asked. Billy sounded drunk and even with my back turned to him I could smell that he wreaked of alcohol. "Come on, Blair. Let's leave" Martin said as he stood up and took my hand in his.

"She's not your's to touch. I should be the one holding her hand, I'm the one that loves her" Billy angrily said to Martin. He held me behind him protectively as he faced Billy. "If you loved her like I love her you wouldn't have cheated on her" Martin defended me.

"You might love her, but she doesn't love you. She'll only love me. You're just somebody for her to fuck" Billy spat before punching Martin. He stumbled back shocked for a second.

"Why don't you just try to kill yourself like you did when Sid and Nancy died!" Billy yelled at me. With those words Martin recovered and was ready to exchange blows with Billy. "Mart, please don't. He's not worth it" I begged as I tugged on his arm.

"He's not worth it, but you are Blair and I can't let this shit talk about you like that" Martin said as I let go of his arm. I didn't have a chance to say anything else, before I knew it Martin had hit Billy back. His head snapped back from the blow and by the time Billy had recovered from the hit Martin and I were long gone.