Zombi

How she went.

I've had a crush on my best friend since I was like, four. She'd always been super supportive and shit, but I didn't want to come out yet, because she was super straight. See, her name Cathrine. She had the same name as me, though, she spelled it like "C-A-T-H-R-I-N-E R-O-S-S-E," and mine was "K-A-T-H-R-Y-N R-O-S-E." 

 She had always been so amazing, and wonderful, and I loved her. And after it had happened I didn't know what to think, what to tell her dads, her brother. "Oh no, I saw that truck but I didn't think to tell her 'cause she would be fine!" Yeah, sure, reasonable. 

"So," Aston said. We were standing around her grave, 'Cathrine Rosse Voyeur, 1990-2006' it read. She was only 16 when she died. Aston was her older brother, I've always liked him.

"So." I replied, I was feeling, and was obviously nervous. I grabbed my arm, I do that when I'm nervous. Basic bitch thing, I'm aware, but I felt more relaxed squeezing that part of my arm, right above my right elbow, almost touching my right elbow. He noticed.

"I'm not angry."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop." I looked up at him, I was confused. No one ever told me to stop apologizing. 

"Sorry."

"Kathryn." He looked down at me, I was standing next to him. He was always taller than me and Cat, he used to give us both piggy-back rides when we were in middle school, at the same time, he's still very strong. We made eye contact. 

"Ever wondered where Ashley went?" Ashley. Cat's older sister. No one had told me she was gone. 4 weeks later, Aston showed up. I just went with it.

"When she first left, yeah. How do you know about her?" I replied, looking up as well.

"Well," he started, "I'm pretty close with 'her.'" He said, I looked at him.

"'Her?'" I looked at him, he had said it in a way that he was trying to tell me she wasn't a girl. He just stood there, he didn't answer. He just stared at the moon and stars.

It clicked.

"Are you Ashley?" I looked at him, obviously surprised. He was always so masculine, I'd never guess he was trans.

"Yep." He said, smiling. "Is that weird?" He laughed awkwardly, looking at me with sorrowful eyes, I couldn't tell if he was more sad over Cat's death, or worried I would judge him. 

"Nope. Not at all." I replied, way to happily, honestly. "Since were coming out here, I'm totally gay for your sister, or well, dead sister."

"That sucks." He looked down and studied the words written on her tombstone.

"Yeah, sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Right, okay." We exchanged and then we were silent. It wasn't an awkward silence, more like a... nice, thinking silence, if that makes since. It felt safe.

"Any plans for Halloween?" He asked me, after a long silence.

"Well, I was gonna go to this small house party, no drinks or drugs, with Cat but she, well, bailed, I guess." I said looking away at my shitty attempt at a joke, but to my surprise, Aston laughed. 

"Right, well, you can come over to my place, me and my girlfriend are going to watch non-stop horror movies and shit while drinking a lot of water and eating a lot of candy we pretended to buy for trick-or-treaters." He gave a small chuckle and he looked at me.

"Sounds fun, I'll be there."

We left the grave yard.

I walked home.

-Kathryn