Almighty.Poet_

TenToesDown

Take a look in my eyes
     can you see the sorrow mixed with
     frustration?
     the sadness of losing everyday ability
     the impotence, frustration of being
     betrayed by your own body
     being told your disease is terminal, that
     right there defines the feeling of despair
Every passing day hope vanishes
       the desire of finding a cure to this
       disease before it finishes me is getting
       further away
Never will I ever be a positive person
     I'm a realist
     and the reality of my life is terminal
This disease is called Friedreich's Ataxia
       the advantage, I would say is that this
       disease is slow
       And it doesn't affect my cognitive      
       function
       but damn, sometimes, just sometimes I
       wish I didn't have cognitive function
Overpowered with depression
      I wake up and don't even feel like getting
      out of bed
      hopeless, worthless
      my first thought is "what's the point?"
Endless worries about the future I might not
       even have
       the unknown, the inevitable
Surgeries are low key my favorite
      why?
      because I'm doped up; I'm numb
Death is my contemplation
    my eyes become bloodshot
    I been crying too much
    giving myself a migraine
Open sore I am
     I feel that salt with water is being poured
     on me
     I "hope" I heal soon
Where is God?
     does he want the devil to end me?
     can he see I'm dying in the inside?
     does he know I'm not living, I'm just
     alive?
     does he enjoy my suffering?
Nobody can see my profound emotional
      issues