Summer Detour [Book 2] | Pentagon ✔

Chapter 1

I was barely recollecting myself when the office's door opened, revealing a person around my age who was looking so down. I took a deep breath as I entered the office, greeting meekly. Ms. Kim Eun Hee looked surprisingly young. I expected someone way older. She asked me to sit on the chair across her desk without throwing me even the shortest glance. She kept on flipping papers. I kept on hearing the crisp of the pages so loud in my ears along with the beat of my heart.

I started to introduce myself and then she started asking me questions. I stuttered and talked too much or less.

"Why do you want to study psychology?" she finally asked.

First, it's because I know I would learn other people's stories and I want to use them as inspiration to get words written on a blank page. But I know that letting the university know that psychology isn't going to be my first priority in college life wouldn't get me an acceptance letterㅡbesides, I really want to get in here. It is one of the most respected universities in Seoul when it comes to medical and business field.

My palms got clammy and I tried to steady my knees and my hands. "To save people from becoming like me." I said this in a whisper that Ms. Kim Eun Hee raised her eyebrow at me. "Pardon? Can you please speak louder?"

I swallowed and spoke just loud enough for her to hear. "I... I am very... curious about human behaviour. It... amazes me how psychologists can analyze and explain why people do the things they do. And I want to have a job somedayㅡthat helps people recover and become their better selves." As I said these words, they almost felt true. I looked at Ms. Kim but her expression hasn't changed. She threw more questions at me until she dismissed me without a single glance.

I walked out of the office knowing I screwed up. My chest felt heavy and my eyes were warm. I hurried out of the building because the amount of students were too much for me. I know I need to get used to them eventuallyㅡbut for now, I need to get away.

♤

Is there a way out?

I asked myself inside my head for what could be the hundredth time.

Is there a way out?

I asked myself as I stared at the dull, white ceiling of my room. I can feel the day starting to be less hot as the sun shrinks outside. It's summer and I've been home for one year and two months, except that one day I sneaked out of the house to try that interview. My family had no idea. Now, my hair is greasy and I've been wearing the same old baggy shirt for three days.

I want to go out. I want to do something I've never done before. I love my family but I feel the desire of wanting to leave this house for a while and find out who I am when I'm not with them. All my life, I have turned my family into my best friendsㅡand my friends into strangers. I just keep on getting worse. I just keep on wanting to shut everyone out. I know people would say this is a common problem for teenagers, but I'm not a teen anymore.

I'm twenty years old.
And I've been trying to avoid life because I have no idea what I want to do, what I want to be, or who I want to be. I don't know what I can do other than things I've been doing. When I graduated from high school last year, I decided to skip a year before college. I will be a year behind my batch in high school, of courseㅡbut I thought I would find myself in a year.

But I don't. I didn't.
I'm still here. I still don't know what to do.

I got up from bed and sat on my pink swivel chair in front of my laptop. I turned it on. I opened Wattpad and I clicked Notifications, then I watched it load new comments, votes and messages from my readers. I stared at them numbly. I always loved reading what they say, but at that moment when everything was quiet in the houseㅡmy mom and my older siblings at workㅡI started to feel the loneliness again. It creates this hollowness that makes my heart ache, makes my eyes warm up and makes me want to break something.