Unwell.

Unwell.

10/18/2015 -- Sunday, 11:50 p.m.

Dedicated to any and everyone who has ever felt a little unwell.

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell" - Matchbox 20

Sure I spend all day staring at the ceiling! It's a nice enough ceiling. The color is nice. An off-tone white. And it's not like I have anything better to do. All day staring at the ceiling, making friends with shadows on my wall. I make friends with all of the shadows on my walls too. There's John and Valentine and Adam -- now that guy knows how to party! -- and so many others. They're all great enough. All night long, I hear voices. I can't see anybody, or where they're coming from, but they're there! All night, voices telling me to get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something. Especially since I had a bad day. Have. Having. It's always bad. But tomorrow might be different. They tell me that.

Hold on. Well, I'm trying to! I am, of course I am, why wouldn't I be? I have it great. I have a beautiful ceiling, great friends, voices that comfort me at night, all night, I can never sleep, even though they tell me to. They want me to sleep. So I can awake the next day, tomorrow, ready for it, because maybe it'll be good for something. See? I am holding on! I think. Well, I'm trying. But it's so hard. I can't hold on. But I am. I'm holding on!! Oh God... I'm feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown. No, no, not a car breakdown! I don't own a car. A mental (hahah that's a funny word) breakdown. I'm headed for one. Am I? I feel like I am. And I don't know why. Why... why, why, why? Is it because I'm... oh no, not that. It can't be that. I'm not! I'm not crazy!

I'm not crazy. How could you possibly think that? I'm-- I'm just a little... hmm, unwell! I guess you could use that word. I know that right now you can't really tell, but-- but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see! See what? Oh, a different side of me! A different, much better side of me! One that you'll like. Promise! Just say for a while longer. I'm not crazy, I thought that I already made this clear. I'm just a little... I guess that you could say impaired, too. Yes, yes, I know right now you don't care. But! But soon enough you're gonna think of me! Yes, I know you will. Soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be! Me.

I'm talking to myself in public. It's usually at any ordinary place. A restaurant, the park, the subway. I talk to myself. Well, not really. To the voices. I'm talking to myself and dodging glances on the train. Why? Well. I know. And I know, I know they've all been talking about me. They? Them. I can hear them whisper, I can hear them everywhere, and it makes me think there must be something wrong with me. Of course not with the train! With ME. I think that there must be something wrong with me, and I waste so much time. Out of all the hours thinking somehow, just somehow, somehow I've lost my mind.

But I'm not crazy! I'm just a little unwell, as I've stated before. Have I? I'm not really sure. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile, please, and maybe then you'll see a different side of me. The better one! The one that's well. No, I am not, I'm not crazy. I'm just a little impaired (I can use that word too). I know right know you don't care. Believe me I do. But soon enough, maybe after a day, or a week, or a month, or a year, soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be. Back then. Before I was... unwell.

I've been talking in my sleep. For a while now. No, idiot, not to myself. I'm not crazy, remember? To the voices. And the shadows on my wall, they're always there to join the party. Adam sure knows how to party. Have I already told you that? Hmm. Oh, oh no, no no no. Pretty soon they'll come to get me. Not the voices. What are you thinking? They can't move or touch. I can't see them, but I'm sure that they can't do anything. C'mon, like they'd get me! Maybe you're the one that's unwell. No, they is them. They'll be here soon. Yeah, they're taking me away. To where? Don't ask me, or the voices. I don't know and they sure as hell don't either.