Pls Realize

Jefferson and I

     Once, humanity believed in facts. But then again, facts are only perceptions... and perceptions create reality. I dont know if anyone has ever thought of it but I dont think that anything is worth anything. Yes, I am nihilistic but an existentialist all the same. This is why I find the world confusing and like albert camus, I believe that it is almost impossible to explain these feelings, ideas much less the universe.

     My whole life is a routine. I hate routines, they bore me to the point where I would think of killing myself. Everyday stays the same, I want change. I want to experience the infinite possiblities of an infinite number of lives.

     But then again, is life really worth living?

     "Ms. Felicia, have you no shame? You are in the top class yet you choose to space out?  You will never amount to anything at this point... anyway your classmates have already memorized the equations of integral calculus, which was an assignment given to this class a week ago. Have you caught up to us yet?" Mr. Lee is our Math teacher, he likes putting me down. We used to be in good terms when he heard about my late father, phycisist Carl Homes, but he has crafted an evergrowing hatred in his heart ever since I started putting his subject down.

      And ever since then I chose to fail his class instead. "REALLY? THAT WAS DUE TODAY? Anyway, I dont really care about your subject, so i am going to do you a favor  and give myself up to detention." And as usual, the gossiping starts.

    Ha! She is never going to amount to anything in life... I bet she wont even graduate highschool and end up a stripper!... What a stupid girl, whybis she in this class anyway, even the janitor deserves more blessings... I bet she cheated her way to better grades... I cant wait to see her paint my nails in 10 years... What a loser... Retard...

     Ugh, the meticulous routine of everyday life never fails to annoy me. Like heck I care about what you think, all of you are just narcissistic undeserving pons driven by society.

     "Well hello Ms. Homes, arent you getting tired of this routine?" But then I hear from Jefferey or Jeff as I usually call him, my childhood friend. Like me, he gets in trouble a lot, so we get detention together at least four times a week. But unlike me who gets it for spacing out and forgetting deadlines most of the time he gets it for debating against the teacher or punching pretentious jocks.

     "Why, greetings and citations to ou as well Mr. Peterson. Anyway, what are you in for his time?" He is the only interesting person I could beer conversing  with besides myself.

     "Talking about that, the teacher, as always Ms. Jordan told the class that Adolf Hitler was interested in killing others from an early age when in fact his past is shrouded and you cant prove that just by knowing that he killed many innnocemt people. There are phsycological factors triggering people. Adolf hitler used to be an aspiring artist who bested all his classmates in arts but after failing to enter art school he was tasked to join a military regimant in another country when he faced near death. And this near death is what I think lead to his rulership. He wanted a sense of belonging, all his life but after being anulled to pursue arts... he was accepted by the military and felt the need to excell and serve otherwise. My classmates cheered on me but, you know the usual."

     "It is pitiful that humanity chooses to blind themselves in the face sof understanding, the end really is near, yet we cant do anything about it. Im going to sleep..."

     "Take a break milady, im going to do so too."

     The teachers dont really mind us anymore, were problem children for everyone except our parents who genetically programmed us to act like them anyway. As I close my eyes, I see darkness then light then am woken up by a tap on the head.

     "Feli, its time to go."

     "Oh, ok, thanks as always Jeff."

     " You know, you could go ahead in college right. Your intellect goes beyond even our valedictorian."

     "Ehem.. says the male copy of Ada Lovelace... I appreciate the sentiment but im too lazy to do otherwise and IQ tests arent even reliable, their just standardized tests. Humanity is better off freely expressing themselves. Most individuals with superior IQs become narcissistic and those indifiduals with inferior IQs become depressed as a result of this so-called recolutionary tool to improve society which isnt even an efficient form of dictatorship and dictatorship is not even a good form of rulership. The self appreciation of a person, therefore is better than a rank given to ou by a group. Jeferson, you are a person who according to them is a promising individual who they cage in a room? Thats just the fear of being replaced by a more efficient form of rulership... they only ever take anyway... But then again... I dont really know"

     "Thats why I bring this conversation up everyday, female copy of Einstein. You know Feli, lets run away from this stupid world."

     "No, i've decided that its better to live a normal life noone is going to remember than be arrested for murder."

     "You will change your mind as your personality has, you used,to be really bubbly before your nihilistic beliefs."

     "Atleast I taught you how to think."

     "And for that i am greatful, see you at the library tomorrow?"

     "Sure, goodnight."

     And just like that the day ends with my friend. He used to be so sporty but he was also a jerk. I still cant comprehend how he changed, I thank my persuasive nature. As if I have one. I mean everyone does, but in the end were just an empty void flying around in a scpace prison we call our mother.

     What if... my thoery really is real and aliens exist in another realm veyond our understanding... they are infinite dimensional. They would be so glorious even my mortal and limited mind thinks that their beauty would cause our minds to disappear.

     Absurd, since when was I ever good at anything much less right at anything at all.