Letters

dear first love

i know you don't love me, but i'll still claim you are my first love. 

because i loved you. 

or maybe i still do. 

i wish i didn't, and i wish you weren't, but you are and i did. 

i still can't face you without thinking about everything we could've been. 

everything we weren't. 

i tell everyone i'm over you. 

i lie to everyone. 

i think you know, you use it against me. 

i know i don't know how to handle it, but i didn't know how to feel about it, about you. 

i really wish we could just hit rewind. 

i wish you weren't repulsed by me. 

i stopped texting you because i always overthought about it, and i "deleted" your number, but i put it under an unnamed contact, because i know that i will never be able to get rid of it. 

not really. 

kinda just like you.