We as humans always like to believe that we'll find the best of us in someone else.
People come and go and seem to take little pieces of us with them. Eventually you'll run out of pieces and feel helpless, until someone comes along that you can take pieces from. We'd like to believe that one day we will meet someone that matches up with the broken pieces we have, that the pieces we have will somehow fit together like puzzle pieces.
We wish upon shooting stars to find the love of our life, but what is love? Is it even real? If you just walk around your neighborhood you'll see couples walking holding hands, happy or kissing or you'll find couples arguing, crying and fighting. Feelings are all around us, whether we want them to be or not. We as humans can't run away from our feelings, can we? I don't know but I know for a fact that we feel. We as people hurt. Hurting, hurts. I have no doubt in my mind that I once felt my heart being ripped from my chest, it was the worst feeling in the world.
Sometimes we as people can't help but put our feelings out there in the world and hope for the best. Sometimes even I will wish upon a shooting star, for good things to happen to me, but that's not always the case.
Someone once told me they loved me. It took me by surprise and I couldn't stand the thought of someone ever falling out of love with me. I had huge walls put up because of how much I had been hurt in the past and I wasn't sure exactly just how to let someone in. Letting someone in meant I had to put all my insecurities out on the table and hope they would love me anyways. Some people walk away the second they know how broken you are, meaning they know you insecurities and no longer find interest in you, these are the people that create the reasons for the barriers to be put up and around our hearts. Don't let one bad experience ruin the rest of them for you. There's good people out there. I believe everyone is good at heart, some people just aren't meant for some.
Someone once asked me what the most painful thing in the world would be. I took a while to think about this question because what was something that could destroy you physically and emotionally. I thought long and hard about this question while dwelling on my past to see if I had any personal experience to what I could possibly think the most painful thing in the world is. It finally had hit me. The one thing that could destroy me would be having someone fall out of love with you.
I've gone on many different kinds of dates, some with people I liked, some with people I had no interest and some with people I loved. I've laid in my bed for hours crying over things. Crying myself to sleep and no one in the world would ever know. I was just a tiny speck in this big big world, in this big big universe. Things that meant so much to me, probably wouldn't mean shit once I was gone. I've laid in bed crying over dead family members, crying so hard I could no longer breath and I was choking for air, crying over people who left with no explanation from my life. How do you do that? How do you just leave someone without an explanation, you just cut them off completely. You stop talking to them forever. How do you do that? I could never walk away from someone like that. The second I know a person's name the second I make eye contact, you're in my life forever. I don't leave. I'm not the type to just get up and leave. Sometimes I push people away but I always come back, I don't leave.
Sometimes I feel like I've given up on all hope. I've given up on the thought that things will get better. People always tell me that it gets better, but does it really? I've been at my worst and I've been at my best and all the in betweens. I know the difference between the people who care and the people who say they care. There is a difference between someone who will help you pick up all of your broken pieces and glue them back together compared to someone who runs away the second you start to fall apart. That's the difference between people who makes promises and stick to them rather than people who make empty promises. People are toxic. People are extraordinary.
