The Endless List of Unfortunate Men

Preface

I always had shit luck when it came to men. I always dated men who were loud, obnoxious, abusive, secretive, confusing, etc. I did go through men like it was my job, but it wasn't exactly my fault when shit hit the fan. Maybe I was just a beacon for horrible and disgusting men.

There was Robert, he was extremely gorgeous and dressed like Ryan Gosling. He had blue eyes and he was super tall and well spoken. He seemed like the perfect guy. He was not. Robert was married. Not only was he married, but he also had three children.

Then there was Cyrus, he was the drummer of a local band called The Masters. He was a rock God. He even had a mullet. He had beautiful brown eyes and a killer beard and wore many rings. He also seemed like the perfect guy. He was not. Being in a band gets you access to loads of girls and by getting loads of girls he also had loads of time to sleep around. Giving me, chlamydia.

Then came Daniel, he wore suits and had loud opinions. His dad was CEO of some big company and he was next in line. He made me feel like Marilyn Monroe. I was with Daniel for a while and one night he had too much to drink and he put his hands on me. So naturally I put a crowbar through his Range Rover window.

There were many other men in my life after, one night stands and meaningless flings. I thought, since I was about to be 28 and living alone in Chicago, I had to find love. I was fixated on the idea of love. I really didn't understand why. My parents were divorced, and so were their parents. I had friends who had gotten married and divorced. Some more than once. I was surrounded by failed attempts at love. But still I wanted it.