It was a battle of will to wake up in the morning and not cry upon seeing the empty space beside you. The space where he used to lie. That space where you used to see him smiling at you when you wake up in the morning and where he cuddles with you before sleeping at night.
Now it's all gone. What was left was a big space that I can't fill up on my own.
I used to share all my dreams with him here, in my room. But last night was the last time... I'm afraid that he won't be coming back anymore.
He said he fell out of love. Akala ko nung una, imposible yung ganun. Maybe because we were so in love that I never thought that time will come when we will be apart.
Hurting... was an understatement of what I'm feeling right now.
I want to kill myself.
Maybe I was about to, I don't know. I guess my head was drained with all the fluid due to my intense crying that I wasn't really aware of what I was thinking. Uh... I thought I heard my phone ring from somewhere. Now where is it?
I looked behind my pillow. It wasn't there. I looked under the bed. No. Not there. Ipinagpag ko yung kumot. Then I heard a soft thump. My phone fell on the bed. It was still ringing.
"Hello?" I answered. Hearing my croaky voice put me on the edge of crying once again..
"Thank God you picked up! How are you? Pupuntahan ka namin ni Denise dyan!" I heard my friend Ree say on the other line. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita. I just cried some more...
"Hello? Mira?"
"Umiiyak na naman ba?"
"Oo weh. Mira? Speak up! Are you okay?"
Of course I'm not okay! How the hell would I be okay? I just came out of a five-year relationship for God's sake!
"Don't do anything stupid okay? We're coming over!"
Don't do anything stupid... Huh. Funny. I've been doing that exact same thing for the past five years... I've been trying to make our relationship work for God knows how long but it was like trying to build a house with two by fours and glue.
It was stupid to even think that it will work.
---
They both hugged me tight upon seeing my disarrayed self. Napaiyak na lang ako sa kanila... I think there's nothing better for me to do that to cry my heart out.
I think I'm about to cry blood.
"There there... it's okay."
It bloody hell isn't! I just nodded to avoid more sermon.
"It's his loss..."
Yes. HIS. I wish I could believe that...
Ree held up my face. "Ang laki na ng eyebags mo teh! Nakatulog ka ba kagabi?!"
Umiling ako. Iyak nga lang ako ng iyak kagabi eh. Malas pa na insomiac ako. SYA kase.. sinanay nya 'kong laging nagpupuyat. Palagi kase kaming nagmo-movie marathon tapos nagmi-midnight snack. Tapos kulitan galore hanggang sa mag-umaga.
Kaya nung bigla syang umalis, hindi ako nakapag-adjust agad.
"Aish. Halika nga! Naligo ka na ba?" Inamoy-amoy ako ni Denise habang hila-hila naman ako ni Ree papasok ng condo ko.
Umiling ako ulet.
"Yuck Mira! Ano ka ba naman? Pinapabayaan mo na yang sarili mo eh. Kumain ka man lang ba?"
Umiling ako for the third time. They sighed in unison. Eh kase naman, all I did was cry last night. Kasalanan ko bang unli tears ako kagabi? Haay..
Itinulak ako ni Ree papunta sa shower.
"Maligo ka neh. Lalabas tayo." Sabi nya.
"Pano?" Pano maligo? Nakalimutan ko na...
She glared at me. "Luka! Basta maligo ka."
"Okay." Isinara ko yung pintuan. I turned the shower on at tumapat dun. Tumingala pa 'ko kaya halos pumasok na sa mata at ilong ko yung tubig.
Pakalunod kaya ako?
Haha...
Biglang nagbukas yung pintuan. Oo nga pala.. hindi ko ni-lock. Pumasok sina Ree at Denise.
"Don't even think about it." Mariing sabi ni Denise.
"Think about what?" Painosente kong tanong.
"Drowning yourself." Sagot ni Ree.
Haay.. alam na nila agad, iniisip ko pa lang?
"I'm not sure I'll drown though. Ang hina ng tulo eh." Sumahod ako dun sa shower.
They both glared at me.
"Joke lang guys. Labas na kayo ng makaligo ako." Sabi ko. Medyo hesitant pa sila nun na iwanan ako kaso pano naman ako makakaligo ng nandun sila, di ba?
They looked at me skeptically; na para bang hindi sila naniniwala na matino ako.
"Guys, I'm fine."
They both sighed saka dahan-dahang isinara ang pintuan.
Joke.
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AN: Hindi po magkakasnghaba ang chapter. Maisipan ko lang eh.. pinaghati-hati ko lang ng mas madaling i-digest..haha..
