A Love Renewed

01 | Contact

I sat there nervously biting my lip, contemplating on whether I was making the right decision or not. My emotions and my brain don't always seem to work in sync with one another so I was trying to figure out what was what.

Hands shaking, I mustered up the nerve and hit 'send'. I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath until I breathed a sigh of relief once the message successfully went through.

Gabe and I have a lot of history. He was my first love, and at one point I thought he was the love of my life. We were high school sweethearts; I knew I wanted to be with him the first time I laid eyes on him Sophomore year. He was a Junior and had just moved to the states from the Dominican Republic. I'll never forget the day I saw him in the hall, he was completely lost on where his classes were and it didn't help that his English wasn't 100%. In Spanish I asked him if he needed any help and the biggest smile of gratitude spread across his face. After that we were inseparable. I helped him with his English and by the end of the year he was pretty much fluent. We made our relationship official after a few months of knowing each other. We were a power couple. Prom King and Queen. The latin Jay & Bey. Most likely to get married. You name it, we were it.

We always spoke about kids and the life we'd have once we were married but we were both very focused and wanted to have all of our ducks in a row before we got to that point. After college we started working and got a place of our own and two years after that we were pregnant.We fully intended on getting married after Iris was born, and I always had a gut feeling that he was going to propose shortly after we had her. But of course we all know how that ended.

Once we laid Iris to rest suddenly everything became my fault, even things that didn't even pertain to my pregnancy. He was grieving but he didn't know how to express his grief so he lashed out. Anything he could blame on me, he did. He never looked at me the same after that, he refused to touch me. It was as if I was tainted or something, like I was less of a woman because of what happened. I'd known the man for 8 years and suddenly he was a man I barely recognized. It wasn't the Gabe I knew or fell in love with.

Though he never got physical with me, I feared that one day he would, and I think deep down he knew it too..so he ended it. I knew there was no coming back from where we were, at least for him. We could no longer function as a couple. I didn't know where to go from there. Here I was, 24 years old and had been with the same man since I was 16. He was all I knew and at that time I felt like he was all I had. I adored him and our baby and in an instant both were taken away from me. I didn't want to go on. In my mind life wasn't worth living without my baby and without him. Luckily I had Alex who I'll forever be in debt to.

Every memory came flooding back after I sent that message. My curiosity got the best of me so I started scrolling through his photos. He's married now, with a little boy and another baby on the way. The jealousy hit me like a ton of bricks which I wasn't expecting at all. I wasn't jealous of his wife necessarily, I'm not interested in him in that way anymore. It was the family aspect. He was able to have the family and the life that we both dreamed of. He had the children that I still have yet to have. It hurt to know that he seemed to move on quicker than I had and here he was with this perfect little family.

His son was beautiful and looked just like him. His wife looked as if she was due in the next few months and she was stunning as well. I was happy for him, but it still hurt to see. Even though he put me through hell at the end, I forgave him a long time ago. Losing a child is a certain kind of pain that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. It changes you. You'd never know how to cope with a pain so immense until it happens to you. He couldn't handle it and I think he even scared himself. I hope he was able to learn and grow from it. I hope he's an even better husband and father because of it. Everything happens for a reason, and while I don't wish my child was buried in the ground, I probably would have never met Prince had it not happened. I finally felt my eyes getting heavy so I put my empty cup in the sink and went back to bed.

When I woke up the next morning Prince had already gotten up and began his day. I noticed the time and realized I slept in which didn't surprise me since it took forever for me to actually fall asleep. I took a shower and got dressed and went to find Prince before I went to my studio to work. As I walked down the stairs Ria had just walked in the door with two cups of coffee in her hand.

"Morning sunshine" she smiled as she handed me a cup

"You're a saint" I thanked her with a hug

After everything happened, mine and Ria's relationship has changed a bit but I'd like to think for the better. I think we've both matured and realized what's important in our relationship and friendship. As far as Sam goes, I don't harbor any bad feelings for him but it's best that we don't speak. Prince never told me specifics about what happened outside my hospital door, but I got it out of Ria. I love Prince and I want to make him happy. I no longer want anything to get in the way of us and that means leaving Sam out of the equation.

"Do you know where P is?" she asked

"No I'm going to look for him now"

"When you find him tell him I need him ASAP. He was supposed to look at some changes on a few designs yesterday but he got caught up in the studio"

"Of course he did" I laughed "I'll tell him. I'll see you later"

"K, Oh! Can you do my makeup tonight? Pretty please?!" She purposely bat her lashes and gave me a fake pout as I rolled my eyes.

"Not until you tell me who this guy is!" Ria was still seeing the same man she'd been hiding for months now and she still wasn't dropping any hints. As far as I knew they were official but for whatever reason she would not budge.

"Eventually, it's just..it's just not the right time" I glared at her and she laughed "Just trust me ok?"

"Yea yea fine. Come find me when you're done"

"Thank you!" She hugged me again before walking up the stairs to wardrobe. I continued on my way to find Prince. I just wanted to say good morning to him before I got to work. I had a lot to film that day and I was already running behind. I eventually found him in the NPG Music Club talking to one of his staff. I leaned against the wall not wanting to interrupt and waited until they were done. He didn't even notice me standing there until he turned around to leave.

"Hey baby" I greeted him with a hug and a peck on the lips

"Good morning. You slept in pretty late, you alright?"

"Yea I'm fine, couldn't really sleep last night" I bit my lip wondering if now was the right time to tell him or not. I decided I was going to wait until the end of the day. Once everyone had left and we could talk about it without any interruptions.

"Okay. Well I've gotta run to the studio. The guys are in there waiting for me" He kissed my lips once more right before he was about to leave

"Wait, Ria needs you to approve a few changes. Go see her first, it seemed urgent"

"Alright, alright" he whined and walked away.

By the end of the day I had finished three complete looks and filmed two videos. I decided I was going to wait to edit them tomorrow because the day had already flown by. Before I knew it Ria was knocking on the door waiting for me to doll her up. Truth be told I was exhausted and didn't really feel like it, but I told her I would so I stuck to my word.

I tried to get her to spill the beans as I was doing her makeup but all it was doing was irritating her even more so I stopped. Once she was done and on her way I went back to the room and plopped down on the couch. Grabbing my phone I hadn't even paid attention to my notifications all day. Alex sent me a picture of Luci which made me smile from ear to ear; I missed that girl so much. However surprisingly I had a facebook message as well. It was Gabe.