It started with the abbot, or at least when he brought him back. It was almost immediate. He could tell something had changed in his mind. He wasn't like this before. He wouldn't say he'd ever been fearless. No, not fearless. Cool headed. Yeah, that was it; cool headed in tough situations.
But then everything became horrifying. Strahd appearing in the village of Krezk had everyone scared, but even then he should have kept a straight head. He pulled off the near impossible, but his mind was racing the entire time. It wasn't all planning, it was mostly fear.
It only got worse from there. The anxiety just kept...kept popping up. It wouldn't just go away. He handed himself over to the dark powers. He killed a child. He started eating a fallen ally. Things kept getting out of control, and all that did was make everything in his head worse.
Then it happened. They were free from Barovia. They left. They were going home. Finally, something good was happening.
Then the tiny murderbot showed up.
Then the werewolves.
Then the hill giants.
Then the dwarves.
Then the fire giants.
Then...
Then he fucked up.
He fucked up worse than he ever had before.
He heard them scream. Every waking second he heard it. In every dream, every nightmare they were screaming. Burning before his eyes again and again. They were prisoners. They were behind bars and he wanted to help. He just wanted to help them, but he didn't think it through. They were innocent. They should have been safe from the fire giants at home, not piles of ash behind now melted cell doors.
His neck hurt. Oh gods it hurt. He couldn't stop coughing. The bruise. The bruise from the rope. It had to have been months, why was this happening?
Strix. She looked paler than usual. The bite marks from when she died were on her neck. She was weak, too, hardly able to speak, let alone stand. It was happening to both of them. Van Richten knew why. Of course he knew. He told Evelyn she could help them, but it was a sacrifice she couldn't make. She just couldn't. They couldn't let her. Evelyn knew what she had to do to help, but he couldn't let her. They couldn't lose her. But...
She was gone. She wouldn't let them stop her. She gave her whole self for them and was gone. He fell to his knees, staring at the glowing ring around his finger. No, she couldn't have. She had to be alive...she had to be...
No, she wasn't. She was gone forever.
The anxiety was worse. So, so much worse. He'd failed. Evelyn was gone. Paultin disappeared. Strix was still with him, but for how much longer? How long would it take before everyone was gone and he was alone?
The sword. The sword was the icing on the fucking cake. Great. It talked. It had a creepy fox woman appear when he used one of those mysterious keys on it. Only he could hear the sword's voice. He didn't want this. He didn't ask for any of this.
Barovia. They were back in Barovia. No, they'd left once already. They were standing above the market in Citadel Adbar, and then all of a sudden they were back. No. It couldn't be. It wasn't...No, fuck. Not again. No. They had to leave. They had to get out while they could. They had to leave immediately.
The anxiety had been in full force for weeks, months even. It wouldn't stop. He couldn't keep his mind quiet long enough to get his thoughts straight. Everyone needed him to be fine. He needed to be fine. Why couldn't he just be fine? Why did this keep happening?
Why couldn't it just stop?
Why wouldn't it stop?
Why couldn't he just...
Why wouldn't everything just...
Stop.
