Grandma Yen stared into the fire place, rocking back and forth on her rocking chair. The hot embers of the fire glared velvet red. The hot ashes of the fireplace flew up into the air, then descending onto the floor below. Her rocking chair creaked with every back rock. Suddenly, Grandma Yen heard her three grandchildren enter the room.
"Hi, Grandma Yen!" Said Katy.
"Hello, Hoema Yen." Cris said, smirking.
"You're all whores." Savanah said, entering the room.
"Why, hello my grandchildren. Do you wish to hear a story?" Grandma Yen asked.
"N-" Cris began to say, but before he could finish Savanah slapped him across the head. "Of course we want to hear your story Grandma Yen." Savanah replied.
Grandma Yen smiled. "Gather around, hoes."
Grandma Yen's three grandchildren sat around her at the rocking chair. "This is the tale of me and Donut, when we were both secret agents."
"Doughnut?" Cris asked.
"It's pronounced 'Donut' you hoe." Katy snapped at Cris.
"Shut the fuck up and let me tell you the story," Yen began. "It all started many years ago. Me and Donut were driving down to Starbucks because back then we were white as hell, when suddenly..."
VROOM. A car went flying by.
"Donut!" Yen screamed. "We have to get that horrible ass hoe ass driver!"
"I agree." Donut would exclaim.
We both hopped into our secret agent car, which was actually a truck. A toe truck. Painted black. I'd turn on the sirens as we chased that hoe of a driver.
The person driving the cat didn't stop.
"This is useless!" Donut yelled. "That bitch ass rat ass nasty ass imbecile ass dumbass monkey ass ugly ass frail ass Starbucks lovin' ass trick ass sloppy ass ribosomes ass person isn't going to pull over."
"What are we going to do, deputy?" I'd ask Donut.
Donut smirked. She held out her hand, holding a fireball in it.
"Donut! Have I told you about using magic! It's probably bad for you, knowing you learned it from that hoe Aiden!"
"Shut up, Yen." Donut yelled, as she threw the fireball at the drivers tire. The fire burst into flames. The driver lost control and the car crashed into a ditch.
"I told you magic isn't bad. Rat." Donut said, getting out of the truck. I'd roll my eyes.
We both drew our guns as we pulled up to the mangled car. "Come out, hoe!" I'd yell at the driver.
"Do- don't shoot!" A voice said.
"That voice! No- it can't be!" I'd yell.
The shadowy figure stepped out of the car to reveal an ugly ass hoe. The king of hoes. The absolute definition of hoeness. The figure turned out to be the dismal one and only Jimmy.
I'd gasp. "SHOOT HIM DEAD!" I'd open fire my gun. Jimmy jumped back into the car and closed his door. All of the bullets I fired hit the car door or the car window. I'd point at the car. "Get that motherfucker!"
Donut opened the trunk of our truck and pulled out a rocket launcher. "Already on it, hoe."
Donut aimed the rocket launcher at the car.
"Fire!" Yelled Yen. "FIRE!" Donut fired the rocket launcher at the car. A hot red missile ejected from the launcher and slammed right into the car, exploding it instantly.
"Hopefully that bitch ass stays dead!" Yen screamed.
Donut nodded.
"It's takes a lot more than that to kill me." Jimmy said, inside Yen and Donut's truck.
"What the fu-" Donut began to say, but before she could finish Jimmy drove off with the truck.
"Ah muffins." Yen said, crying in embarrassment.
"What happened next?" Katy asked.
"Well, maybe if you'd shut the hell up I'd be able to finish my story." Grandma Yen yelled at Katy.
"Yeah, Katy, shut the hell up!" Cris said, smirking.
"Now where was I..?" Grandma Yen asked herself.
"I can't believe you let Jimmy take the Donut truck." Donut snapped at Katy, as they walked upon the bare open road in the middle of nowhere.
"Hush Donut. It's almost night and we need shelter. How about a tale to pass the time. How did you get your magic?" I'd ask Donut.
"Well, honey," Donut began to say. "It all started when I was driving the Donut truck, the one you lost."
I'd roll my eyes. Donut talked for at least an hour.
"So I said to him," Donut said. "Your moms a hoe. Then I left. That's how I got my magic."
"Nice story." I'd tell Donut. "Hey- look!"
Donut shot a glance to where I was pointing.
"A dinner!" Donut said, cheerfully. "Lets go inside!"
We walked into the cafe. The place was fairly empty, other than the barista and an old man sitting at the bar. I'd walk up to the barista.
"Howdy!" The barista said. "My name's Smoothie! Can I get y'all something to drink?"
"I'll have a whore soda, my deputy will have a thot tea." I'd lean in close and whisper to the barista: "make sure it's kids sized. She can't drink a medium."
Donut rolled her eyes. "Oh brother."
We sat down at a table with our drinks.
"Okay, Donut. I have two questions."
"Shoot." Donut said.
"How the fuck is Jimmy alive and what the fuck do we do now?"
"It's strange how Jimmy's still alive. Back in the day when we were freshman secret agents, our first task was to kill the Lord of the Hoes: Jimmy." Donut said.
"Yes! I know he should be dead, but somehow that hoe is alive! I'd tell Donut.
"I know. I shot him in the heart with my magic, so he should be dead!"
"Well, we'll have to kill him again. There's a tracker on the Donut truck. It looks like he's heading to Canada."
"Maybe he's going to try to activate the ultimate weapon!" Donut shrieked.
"What's the ultimate weapon?"
"If it's activated, it can turn anyone into a hoe!"
"That's terrible!" I'd yell.
"Yes, we have to stop him!"
"But how!"
"We could steal that gentlemen's car." Donut made a gesture towards the old man.
I'd sigh. "If we have to."
