The Show Must Go On

It's a Hard Life

After a minute in of crying I screamed at the fact that my dad was moving on, not because he was dating a man, because he'd forget about US! Something that took me forever to find, I feared that the most, my dad and I still never gotten enough time spent in my eyes, and it made me mad and disappointed that I was acting like this.

January London, England 1987

I decided that I was going stay away from the spotlight and touring for a while, this was too much for me. I went back to college in my second semester for awhile, everyone was trying to contact me for reasons why I'm not talking to my dad, I think he would call me everyday sometimes even three times a day, but I was being stubborn at myself, not my dad's choices.
he left me messages, crying, pleaded, letting me know he misses me telling me he needs me he misses my pressennce, sometimes he would call me drunk as hell just to see if id answer but still nothing he would leave messages. I died a little every time I was breaking his heart, how selfish of me!
"You're dad called again" my dorm advisor told me, "ohh, i'm sorry Jennifer.." she looked at me and asked if I was OK, she didn't know who I was or my background thank god, I nooded and told her "oh I'm posh darling" and smiled.
I was finally getting back into the routine of school, I was happy. I loved Astrophysics I was so good at it, everyone in my class loved the same thing I did. I studied Astrophysics in the mornings and practiced my piano in the evening everything was going so well.

January 1987 Montreux, Switzerland

My dad was working on a new album, but this time it wasn't with Queen, an amazing opportunity to work on a new project for the upcoming Olympics in Barcelona, with a very good friend to my father, the lovely Montserrat Caballè to work on the album Barcelona one of my favorite ever CD's he's ever done.
When he was younger he adored Opera music, his dream was to be an opera singer, other than be a rockstar, and he was pursuing it, I was happy with him, so proud of him too even if we didn't talk as much these days.

I was studying physics and properties of celestial objects, including stars, planets and galaxies, their properties and how they behave, sounds interesting right? I went down to my dorm lobby and called my uncle Brian, I needed advice and I needed to know how he was doing.
I waited for a bit til he finally picked up,
-"hey vanessa"
-"uncle Brian, how are you, fine?"
-"Yes we are all fine, here Jimmy is running around with Felix outside"
-"I miss my cousins so much, uncle"
-"well soon enough you can come visit and watch them all you want"
-"uncle Brian!"
(we both laugh)
-"how's school going?"
-"really, really good I'm so happy I'm getting it done, right now I'm learning about mathematical physics and it's making me wondering how it combines with astrophysics, you know?"
-"Yes, i've been there, I'm glad, second term, correct?"
-"yea, can you believe it?"
-"it's worth it, Vanessa"
he than added
-"have you heard from your father, lately"
-"I was just going to ask you about him"
-"Vanessa, hes really going through it, right now, he's working on an album, with Mrs. Caballè"
-"I heard"
-"did you hear he's in Switzerland?"
"I figured, that's where all the Queen made music"
it went silent for a minute
"he misses you...very very much, we all do"
i stayed quiet than I started to slowly cry
"I can't face him, how can I, knowing he's moved on with Jim, hes got Jim and he's probably so happy"
-"Vanessa, you need to understand from your uncle who is a father himself, that you are his life, Jim is just a partner, in his life, who knows maybe he'll be here for weeks or maybe years, but your father will never replace you, you can not be replaced, do you hear me, he loves you too much"
-"I hear you uncle Brian, I love you and i miss everyone"
as I was hanging up the phone, I told myself it was time to see my dad.