"Always boasting my emotions on how I'm so fucking broken,
Think I'm joking, when I'm talking about blowing my head open
Till the moment you walk in and find my body motionless
Wrists slit thoughts of $lick keep falling in an open pit
Shit-"
30 minutes, the timer is set, the pieces are all in place, the trigger is almost ready.
The trigger that ends all chances of going back and will never be able to be undone. The trigger that can't be put back no matter how many regrets it causes in the future.
25 minutes. The script has been written, the message has been sent, there's no going back.
Running around and panicking with the crowd, diverting the attention by blending in with the crowd. The threat is now known.
20 minutes. The suspects are starting to be singled out, not knowing it was never who they thought it would be.
Temperature starts to rise, face is turning red as someone else takes the blame for the wrong that was committed. Wanting to go back but it's already too late.
15 minutes. A stranger enters, taking the stage with a shaking heart, but love in the mind.
Anonymous people enter in and out from the field of vision all the time. Looking around hoping not to get caught and have the truth revealed, still, there is no going back.
10 minutes. Pulled into the box of questioning, asked and accused, returning with nothing but denial.
Wondering to one's self, "Will you ever get out of this?" The door opens and the break away is attempted. Success.
5 minutes. The bomb has gone off, it's been 5 minutes since the incident. The wrong person now serving the punishment.
Guilt sets in what should have been trust. Love is replaced by fear. Fear of being forgotten, fear of being alone, fear of being shut out.
The end is near
3... Hearts racing, not knowing if giving in will be for the best or for the worst. Could taking the risk be better than living the guilt..
2... It needs to be known. Living in a lie, going against all morals, being loved for who you are not..
1... The truth is revealed. This is the end of it all, goodbye.
"-Always burn my bridges cause I'd rather fall in ditches
If life's a game of inches then my dick has been the biggest
And my goal's to fuck the world until that motherfucker's twitching
Lane switchin', same mission to die and blame my addiction
Bitch"
~Kill Yourself pt. 3 - $uicideBoy$
It was me, and I'm sorry. The reason was never to hurt anyone. It was never a problem of loyalty, it was a problem of attachment and being left behind. It was never revenge. Words will never be able to describe how much fear and sorrow was placed inside of me. I didn't want to be left behind, but I didn't want to leave what I have know my whole life. Living life filled with guilt and regret is worse than being abandoned. Being loved for who I am not is heart breaking. It was never for power. Not knowing what's going on, always having that mystery that will never be solved, it burns my skin.
I don't know who is reading this right now. But I hope one day, in what is probably to be the far future, I can be forgiven.
Someone has to know what I've done. Someone needs to know all the times I have self-sabotaged out of fear or depression. Someone needs to know that I am not who I say I am. Someone needs to know that I never intended for all the lies and deceit to take place. Someone needs to know I never wanted to hurt anyone or betray anyone's faith or trust in me. Someone needs to know before I explode and this reality of happiness all goes away. Someone needs to know it was me.
