When An Accident Prone No One Marries A Celebrity There Will Be Chaos...

Chapter 23

“Nah, that’s not it. Natasha something,” the other bouncer corrects him.

“NO!” I exclaim again with added venom, I must be like the Hulk now but instead of turning green I am turning luminous red. “Didn’t he break up with her?” he ponders while his face creases in concentration. I don’t think either of them are used to putting their brains to much use. “Oh yeah… so who’s he dating now then?” the other bouncer questions.

“ME!” I snap so loud that my lungs are burning.

“Is he single?” another bouncer chimes in.

“NO HE IS MARRYING ME IN A WEEK!” I shout in despair. Finally I raise my voice so loud that it is impossible to ignore me. Both bouncers turn to look at me with an unreadable expression… maybe I have got through to them! “Is she serious?” one of the bouncers snorts causing me to sigh in exasperation. There is no reasoning with these people. “She’s clearly delusional. I’m sorry but we can’t let you in. The lot of you can go,” the first bouncer concludes while crossing his arm menacingly.

I turn to face the group of friends who I promised I would get into this club in almost tears of frustration. They all look a bit down-heartened and disappointed which make me feel like a complete let-down. I go through all the stress of the scrutinizing attention of being the girlfriend of a film star and the ONE time I try to use it to my advantage everything falls to shit. Just as I am about to ask if anyone would like to suggest another place for us all to go or if we should just give up and go home, Mandy steps forward and delicately saunters up to the bouncer. “Listen,” she instructs calmly. The bouncer leans over to hear what she has to say in curiosity. “We were trying to stay inconspicuous and I don’t want to make a scene but I don’t think you realise who we’re with,” she whispers discreetly. 

“What?” the bouncer asks stupidly.

“We just use the Ollie Daniels cover up story in order to keep her majesty’s identity a secret,” she explains. Our entire group turns to look at Mandy in utter confusion but she looks completely in her element and the bouncer seems absorbed by what she’s saying. Realising she is up to something we all immediately snap our expressions into supportive agreement with simultaneous head nodding. I plan to keep my expression neutral and just nod along to whatever Mandy is saying. “Her majesty?” he whispers back.

“Yes, Her Royal Highness, Princess of… Finland,” Mandy announces whilst gesturing to Emmie. The bouncer snaps her head to look at Emmie who is staring at Mandy incredulously. “And I believe you were just speaking to Duchess of…” Mandy, who was doing so well up until now suddenly falters.

“Helsinki,” I suddenly chime in. You see, studying Geography at school did have a point after all.

“And this is my entourage,” Emmie declares grandly while spreading her arms to imply everyone in our group. “Why don’t you have accents then?” the bouncer asks. This may be the first intelligent thing a bouncer has said all evening. Why did we not think to put accents on? “Its all part of the disguise,” Mandy whispers knowledgeably. “You really are upsetting her majesty and you would not want to start an international quarrel would you? You are currently representing the British public,” Mandy says sternly. The bouncer suddenly looks quiet worried. He looks unsure and self conscious as he immediately snaps up to attention. One last menacing glance from Mandy and with the expression of a sheepish schoolboy he quickly raises the barrier to allow the entire group to pass by him. “Your majesty,” I snicker to Emmie, curtseying when we are out of sight of the bouncers. “Why thank you Duchess of Helsinki,” she giggles back.

“Where on earth did you come up with that excuse?” Kate asks Mandy in a mixture of awe and amusement. “I used it all the time when I was younger to get into clubs,” she explains with a mischievous smile.