My Sadness & Guilty

Chapter 1 - Part 1: My Own Sadness & Mistakes

"My mouth can't explain how sad and painful i am, people think I'm doing great with my life and honestly they don't even know the truth behind my eyes who those eyes see darkness and sorrow every single day and night, why can't I be like everyone else? why do i need to be alive if I'm deadly broken inside, I cry in my dreams because I'm alone i don't have friends who love me the way I am, they are just there to haunt me and those nightmares are sick as hell itself i mean is no one knows the hell I've been through, the life of a phantom is like u never seen before people who are "friends" to me they are nothing more than fakes who by any means do anything to make me go insanity, those are the one u "trust" since they don't accept the way that u are they simply are "playing" with u, bullying u till the very end u decide to do the most unforgivable thing in this world and that's suicide. I for once been trying to kill myself twice being tired of those people who are dangerous to society, the ones who made my heart go broken because I "trusted" them. I simply hate this world, cruelty is what matters to the people is that your simply a toy that can humiliate you over and over, there sick minds are what the world is gone cuckoo. Even people like myself have a single problem we fake our happiness so people can't see what's under my mask what does it hides? It hides the pain i go through my own past and present, the incidents that I do are wrong indeed i hate admitting my stuff but I must do it or i won't be better. My past is a sad one which I can tell i feel hatred even if he died that hatred who has been an huge factor in my life but I'm undergoing a massive rehab which has helped me a lot in not thinking it. I did so many things to the community of yugioh in fb or real life which they are bad and I'm taking that responsibilities with me like selling some merchandise that wasn't mine that's categorized as stealing and it's bad which I'm truly sorry I can't tell the reason but I'm sad that's why I wanted to retire and sell my cards so I can solve those cases and be free from this. I'm truly sorry everyone if I deserved to be banned from the store i will accept it as punishment but I want to help myself and the ones affected. Years ago something happened i don't remember well but I can say this i had 3 girls who were once friends, the first one I used to called her Broom Spanish is Escoba she has a really good humor a bit cranky but that's ok she is special even if we aren't friends anymore the second one is a mysterious one the rumors said that once an eye is lock on to that girl some things are bound to occur u both mentally and physically and yes I believe it since I once experience or felt a certain aura in my mind and let me tell u it was like never seen before but overran she is really quiet and fun to talk to i don't have a nickname for her because she has my full respects and lastly the third one is fun, loving, caretaking and very talkative also very good at being evil let me tell u. They are fun to be with but I remember doing something bad that they were angry with me and broke the friendship and inside of me that broke my heart since for once I truly consider them as true friends indeed if their reading this i assume or not I would say I'm sorry for everything and I really not causing any trouble well my life now is hell but I'm overcoming it and with those 3 girls it was the other way around i love and enjoy talking to them and believe it or not they share the same as me and that's writing with our hearts content it's a way of releasing what's troubling you don't u think So? Anyways if u read this I'm sorry for everything and I really wanna be friends with u again honestly, I'm willing to do anything even being a mascot mostly a pikachu one to earn their trust i truly missed talking to them. In reality i just wanted someone to listen to me and telling me advices that's all.