Looking Into Your Heart

Happiness Trickles but Misfortune Floods

When Maiding lies, it's easy to point out the way his mouth quirks and his eyes rove everywhere. It appears that he's utterly incapable of telling tales, but the incident with the driving licence proves otherwise.

Some nights, Maiding startles awake. An Ziyan sleeps beside him, his usual expression smoothed into something more peaceful. It makes him look younger, more vulnerable, and Maiding always feels a proprietary joy that he's the only one who gets to see this sought-after man like this. He contemplates revealing the truth, but he loses the courage when morning comes.

It doesn't make him feel any better about himself, because he knows with growing dread that it will come to light sooner or later- and the later it is, the more likely he'll be cast aside with disgust. Maiding keeps the suppressants in an unsusceptible bag, and carries it with him wherever he goes. He's learned to be casual about it, and no one suspects a thing.

A year after he presented, he was taken to the hospital after coughing blood and suffering from severe abdominal cramps. His doctor was horrified - taking the pills throughout the year? - and Maiding learnt that you couldn't run from yourself. He's given the option of taking suppressants at staggered intervals, but he has to have at least one heat a year. Maiding continues to pass as a eta, only that he seems to fall off the face of the Earth for a week during the holidays. He stays at home, locked in his room as unbearable heat smothers him and leaves him writhing on the bed in agony. By the time he's ready for university, he has done extensive research on omega Sanctuaries and he knows there are places for him to seek shelter even when he's far from home.

When Maiding is old enough, he learns of the various tools - for the better lack of words - omegas can use when they go into heat. Sneaking into the shop is easy enough, but he can't stop fumbling and dropping the objects he finds and god it's so mortifying. On his next heat, he tries to relieve the painful ache with the newly-acquired 'toys', and the resulting relief brings tears to his eyes.

When he first meets An Ziyan, Maiding goes weak in the knees. As their relationship progresses, Maiding struggles to keep his omega buried deep in himself, because no one can resist An Ziyan's natural charm and his potency as an alpha. Maiding manages to keep it under wraps for a few years, which is an accomplishment in itself.

But his efforts are thwarted in a single second, as the universe would have it.

***

It starts the day that An Ziyan takes leave from school for two days to accompany his father on a business trip. Maiding wonders why his lover even goes to university, when he could have started his own business and made it flourish a long time ago. Rich people, he thinks dourly.

As he makes his way to the lecture room, someone bumps into him and Maiding stumbles. He's been checking in his bag for a book and the force of the knock makes him drop the bag. He blanches when the pack of suppressants tumbles out, but no one seems to take notice so he shoves it back in his bag, quick.

Maiding takes them at a fixed interval everyday, and he knows the dangers of missing even one. Especially because he's working on one heat a year, while most have about three to four a year. He makes his way home, wondering what to buy because the fridge needs to be restocked and he wants to prepare something special for An Ziyan when he comes back.

His phone rings and Maiding realises it's an alert to take his suppressants. He sifts around his bag for them, only to realise with growing horror that the familiar package isn't inside. He strides to a corner of the street and checks his bag, but it's not there. He knows he put it back in. What if it fell out in school?

Maiding curses internally and runs back to the university, shoving past students as he barges into every lecture theatre and classroom he was in. His stomach drops when he sees no trace of the suppressants. He swallows. For now, he decides to go home and see if he left some extras in the cupboard. His suppressants are specifically prescribed and he can't have any over-the-counter suppressants. Pulling his bag closer, he hurries back home, throat dry with fear.

He upends the cupboards and he sinks to his knees when he's faced with the conclusion that he hasn't even left some for an emergency. He became too comfortable with the routine.

He leans against the kitchen counter, eyes closed. He was a fool to think that he could have continued like this for a while more. His phone rings again and he startles when he sees that it's An Ziyan calling.

The omega picks up, licking his dry lips.

"You haven't called me even once today. What are you up to?"

Maiding coughs. "What nonsense. If anything, you're always the one up to no good."

He hears An Ziyan's soft chuckle on the other end, and his stuttering heartbeat calms like it always does when he's with his lover.

"How are you?"

"Oh, what is this?" Maiding raises an eyebrow. "Since when did you care about my well-being?"

"Let's talk about all the times I saved your ass, then," An Ziyan says.

Maiding scowls. "You think you're so great? Who feeds you everyday and keeps the house clean? You can't live without me. And I bet you're lonely without me."

"I'm not short of willing housekeepers." An Ziyan, this bastard.

"You'll be crying for me in a minute!" Maiding declares hotly and yells a 'Goodbye, asshole' before cutting the call. He buries his face in his knees and sighs. How is he going to handle this mess before An Ziyan gets back? 

Hello!! I'm Hina, and I'l like to make some things clear before moving on orz This is an original fanwork based on Angelina's novel. It's omegaverse because honestly, what is a fandom without omegaverse :")) I'd like to know if there is interest before I put focus into this because I have a lot of projects so I need to prioritise. In any case, thank you for reading and let me know what you think! 

I'm not used to writing in a Chinese setting because I've mostly written for anime/manga fandoms, but I will do my best to stay true to the nature of the original!