If It Weren't For Him (BoyxBoy)

Chapter one

Okay, it's been a long time since I've updated this story, a month I think. Anyways, this chapter is shorter than the last, reason being that I felt it was a good time to stop it at where I did.

The next chapter will be longer though, so look forward to that. :)

Picture of Mr. Nixon, Will's father, to the >>>>>>>>>>>

Anyways, enjoy the chapter.

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As if a veil had been lifted, I found myself sluggishly awakening from what felt like a seemingly long and deep sleep. My body felt heavy, lethargic even, and a sense of confusion clouded my thoughts. It was like my mind was traveling through a thick fog. Hazy and unsure, I find myself stumbling around for the exit and a way towards a clearer mindset. I could only try and touch upon the few dulled senses available to me as I slowly but surely regain my footing onto the world.

My eyelids tremble as I struggle to force them open. Sealed shut by a sticky, dried liquid, they creaked every so slowly open, only to hurriedly close shut as a piercing bright light momentarily blinded me. A sharp, stinging sensation penetrated deep into my mind as an afterimage of colored spots danced behind my eyelids. I let out a quiet groan of discomfort as I waited for the sweet darkness to once again overtake my vision.

This small movement of my vocals soon attracted my attention to the parched feeling in my throat. A dryness that triggered an unconditioned urge to continuously swallow. It was as if I was trying to seek salvation from my saliva. Unfortunately, my dehydrated body seemed to provide little oasis for this problem, as hardly any saliva secreted from their glands.

Sucking in a deep breath of distilled air, I then ran my tongue gently along my cracked lips, wetting them. They felt rough and scrapped harshly against my sensitive papillae as I did this. It was an unpleasant distraction that didn't last long in the slightest.

In order to take my mind off my bodily needs and my inability to currently satisfy them, I once again gathered the courage to open my eyes, doing so cautiously, wary of my forming headache caused by the irritating lumination brought about from the ceiling lights. I allowed my eyes to steadily adjust to my surroundings before gradually scanning the area around me, first in confusion, as the setting was an unfamiliar one, then with dreaded realization.

White walls, medical equipment, and that unbearably disgusting smell of disinfectant and decay filled my nose.

It was painfully obvious where exactly I was.

I paled swiftly as I began to panic.

A hospital room?!

What happened? Why am I in the hospital?! 

I wracked my brain for an answer to these questions of mine, and it didn't take long for reality to hit and for all the memories of what transpired that day to come rushing back to me, hitting me hard like a freight train, fast and with a loud bang.

That's right... I had tried to kill myself that day...

So I survived, huh? I thought rather numbly as I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't even work up the appropriate emotions that one would normally feel after such a failure. Disappointment? Anger? I felt none of this, just a silence that eerily calmed my heart. I didn't even have the will to curse at the gods for not allowing me to leave this forsaken world.

I closed my eyes and sighed gently.

I can't even kill myself properly it seems.

I could only chuckle softly at how pathetic I am. At the fact that no matter what it was I tried to do to satisfy my actual desires, I was destined to fail.