Why? Why did you do it? Why did you leave after you did such horrible things? You never
cut me. But there are scars, visible and invisible. And they hurt. I was scared. Of you. Of me. Of being left. Forgotten. By you. Were they more important than us? Your friends? Their children? You treat them better that me. Than my brothers. It hurts. All of us. I cry myself to sleep nearly every night. I can't listen to certain songs because of you. Why? Why wasn't I good enough for you to notice? To be proud of. I can't trust, love or be loved, or hope because of you. More specifically what you did. Abused. That's what you did to me. And sometimes emotional abuse can and is worse. A lot of the time. Those scars don't heal. Don't leave. But you did. You walked away. And came back and I was so glad. And left again. Came back. Left. And so on. Why? No. Not why. How. How could you hurt your own blood like that? Leave me in a puddle of emotions? At 5 years old? That's when you left. It may not seem like that long to you but it has been. How bad did it hurt you? On a scale of 1-10, 1 being lowest and 10 being highest, mine is a 9.9. There's still a little part of me that can hope. Dream. Very little though. Has anything you did happened to you? The way it did to me? I'm 13 now. That's 8 YEARS! How's that for a reality check? That's 8 birthdays, Christmas's, Halloweens, Valentine's Days, Mother's Days, Father's Days, 4th of July, 24th of July. For me. Not them. My brothers. How old are they now? How long since you've seen them and not me? Now you know how it feels. To not be loved the way you used to be. 2009-2017. That's a long time when you look at the years all sprawled out for you, huh? Well, here you go.
2009-I'm 5
2009-You're 25
2009-Brother born in December
2009-You leave
2009-I lose the ability to trust
2010-I get a sister
2011-Next brother in May
2011-Next brother in July
2012-You come back
2012-You leave again
2013-Respect for you lost
2014-Another sister, but stillborn
2014-You weren't there to help
2015-Started 6th grade, at an academy and you didn't care
2016-Junior High
2016-You're taking the boys with you but not me because I don't want to go
2017-I'm 13
2017-You're still not back
2017-Your 33
8 years and counting. That's how long it's been. I love you. But I will never like you again.
