Depression diaries

A little into how it started

I am not going to say anyone's names due to confidentiality and because they are my friends and I value them the most

It started around a year ago when I was being bullied at school but I kept it out of my friend life, but it started affecting me without me noticing and then it started affecting my friends to the point where I was doing stuff and arguing where I thought I was right but I was wrong, very wrong.
One person couldn't take to much more of it so they left me ( relationship wise) and I have only recently begun to understand why they did and I respect that but it also left a mark on me and from then on my own actions lead me to be like this and every few days I wish I could go back and be a nicer person and not such a dick because I wouldn't be the way I am and I wouldn't be writing this diary if I was.

From that point up until now I am been up and down, happy and sad and worse than sad, some times I wouldn't be depressed for days or weeks then all of a sudden it would feel like a massive dark cloud has crowded my mind and is taking control of my emotions then these feeling and tendencies which u might explain later on I don't know as of yet