As I sit on the cold bench, I stare at him lying in front of me. I think to myself all of the things he's done for me. He's wiped my tears, he's loved me unconditionally. I feel a hot tear run down my left cheek, I wipe it away. Constant reminders fill my head, tears swelling in my eyes, I blink, one more tear slides down my face.
~
I remember sitting at a table during the brits with Dani and El. The announcer announced the name, 'One Direction'. He ran to the stage, smiling brightly. I hear him thank everyone.
"I'd especially like to thank my girlfriend, I love you babe."
~
Another tear. I just let it run down my face, onto my chin. I feel a peck on my leg. Another tear forms, my vision blurring. My body trembles in the cold. A crow sounds in the distance, getting further and further away until I hear nothing but the leaves blowing outside the window of the church.
~
I would call him in the middle of a bad day, his voice comforting me. Arriving home at my usual time, five o'clock. He made us both dinner, dim lights, candles, soft music playing in the background. Like a romantic scene in a movie.
"It's not much, but.."
I'd stop him. It's perfect, he's perfect. I would tell him everything that had happened, his eyes staring into mine. Listening as I pour out my feelings. I would get lost in his eyes until he would break the silence.
"Everything's okay now baby, I love you."
~
I pull my knees to the bench, hugging them tight. Tears dripping onto my sweater, his sweater. The warmth of the sweater comforting my body like his strong arms wrapping around my torso. I wince.
~
I remember that I had brought my car to the mechanic earlier that day leaving me to walk home from work. Being in that neighborhood always made me nervous. I heard footsteps behind me, I begun to walk faster. A hand grabbed my waist, spinning me around. I tried to shake loose, until I realized whose hand had touched me. I looked up at his face, smiling. A smile spread wide across his face, leaning in to kiss me. He then walked back home with me, holding my hand in his the whole way.
"I didn't mean to scare you darling, I love you."
~
A fresh tear shot down my cheek, followed by a second one. It trails down onto the sweater. I stand up, I feel his cold necklace press up against my chest. I shiver, my hands unsteadily crawl up to touch the chain. I hold the tiny airplane tightly in my hands. I slowly tiptoed to the coffin, my knees getting weaker with every step. I stand beside him and run my fingers through his hair for one last time. He was so cold.
