Things That Make Me....

Jealous

Do you know what jealousy is?
Do you understand that people don't get jealous from things that they have? Of course you do...that's why the are jealous.

It is in the pit of your stomach, that stirring that irritates you. The beating of your heart changes. Your mind starts swirling with thoughts, that you are unable to stop.

Wonder why I am jealous?

It is not because of some girl stealing my crush, cuz I don't even have one to begin with. And it's not because all the girls are stylish and beautiful, while I'm absolutely not.

It's because, I lost a family member. My father...he's not dead, but to me he is since 2015.

Not many will understand this feeling I get when I see a girl with her father, laughing together, or talking to each other.

This scene,

The father stands up, scolds his teenager of a son, gives him some advice, pats him on his back and sits back, relaxing and watching tv.

I'm jealous of this.

There is no one to give me advice. There is no overprotective father.
There is no one to protect me.

I feel insecure. I don't have any self-confidence. I feel betrayed from what he did.

I don't want you to think that it is the end of the world, cuz it is not. Many many people live and survive without their parents. Yes it's definitely not easy, it is very difficult but we all have to deal with it. This problem; that makes us feel unworthy and insecure.